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Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Obligatory New Year Message 2014

Firstly, HELLO RUSSIA, Hello America, hello uk...
Yes, they may have an appalling President, terrible human rights issues and a disgusting state attitude to human sexuality, but Russia is currently the country reading this blog the most.  Second comes America and then, occasionally, my home country comes third.  Sometimes we're beaten by Greece.  Or Latvia.  Come on guys, this is embarrassing.
Secondly, the hit rate on my blog has gone through the roof since I fell dangerously ill.  This might be because of world sympathy, this might be because I've started an exciting new phase of work, but it's more likely because I stopped posting things very often.  Then I looked at the data and found, silly me, it's because even more of you are looking for porn.  Nice to know porn for porn outreach has travelled so far.  Obviously a lot of Russians are vigorously jerking off until they reach my blog and lose their rhythm.  Sorry.
So here's a run down of some of my favourite (largely non porn) internet searches this year that have lead people to my blog.

the room of trolls
couple having sex in nottingham (very specific, is there a local landmark in shot?)
dormouse slovenia
understanding beards
tinkerbells lines and speeches
and my personal favourite...
evil bagpuss

2014 is a year of many things. Ten projects await - the first part of Project One has just been posted (see below) and you just need to look at my last post to see how to get involved with Project.  But it is also the year that I have been transformed.  Yes, I realise now that my illness was in fact a symptom of my metamorphosis.  I have become... a genre.
Many of you will have suspected it for sometime, many of you have listened to my wittering on at a party say and thought to yourself, he's a whole new genre.  Or a cock.  One of the two.
It has been proven by the Quay Theatre, where I am Artist in Residence, whose What's On doesn't list me as drama or music or film or lecture, I am listed as Robert Crighton.  I am a medium in my own right!  Soon there will be special courses at University devoted to the Robert Crighton genre - there will be various schools of Robert Crighton with competing ideologies as to how a work in Robert Crighton should work, there will be children telling their parents that one day they to will work in Robert Crighton.
It's that or the What's On was compiled by a moron.  One of the two.
And now, the promised first episodes of Project One - Lost Tribe of the Trolls.
Happy New Year!

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