It's that time of year where you see in the press, on Twitter, all around town and city centres, millions of truly terrible Panto posters. And I ask myself, how did this come about?
I mean, if it were any other product we would run a fucking mile from them. We wouldn't countenance spending money on something which is sold in such a shoddy manner. And yet, we do.
The Panto poster template is simple.
Step 1: photograph members of the cast six months in advance in front of a blank background in a dodgy hired costume/the stock costume you have set aside every year. Depending on the Panto these cast members will either be: minor celebrities/nameless models who look cute.
Step 2: Photoshop said photos to death, adding a colourful (see eye blindingly painful) background and AS MANY SPARKLY EFFECTS as your computer will allow.
Step 3: Chose a swirly, unreadable font and make it even more unreadable by covering it in AS MANY SPARKLY EFFECTS as your computer will allow.
Step 4: Cry.
And it's not that I'm against glittery posters, or happy smiling pretty plastic people. It's that it never ends - it's the laziness of it all - it's that it's the same poster EVERY YEAR, reproduced across dozens of different Pantos across the WHOLE COUNTRY.
Now, it isn't just that Pantos are often produced centrally by a few big companies - who favour a template and a straightforward marketing package, this is understandable - it's that everyone does it. Even theatres with long histories of making Pantomime and who have a little more time to think of a slightly more original marketing strategy.
So why do it? Because it works. So why bother changing it?
It is assumed that children like glitter, so everything must be glittery. And they're probably right.
But there is, I suspect, another reason. Pantos tend to sell themselves. People just book to see Pantos, like animals migrating to spawn at the same spot every mating season. They don't know why, it's just expected. So long as you do a basic job of putting out posters, doing some press, getting the right star name - then there isn't a great creative job that's needed to sell it. Do the same thing every year, with the odd twist, because it's not going to swing sales more than a few percent. And that includes the poster.
But... but... but... is that an excuse? Is that really enough of an excuse for filling public space with acres and acres of migraine inducing imagery that doesn't just offend the eye, but actively burns the retina? Come on, people of Britain, we can do better! We can create something less plastic, more human, more alive then these never ending walls of glittery laziness.
We just probably won't.
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
Tuesday, 2 December 2014
Not Writing
I'm not writing at the moment, I'm directing a Pantomime. That isn't to say I can't write or that I'm blocked, I'm directing a Pantomime. I'm more a coiled spring, waiting till I'm no longer (altogether now) directing a Pantomime.
Which should be in about a week. Then I will leap into action. Well I'll have to, I'll only have a couple of weeks to finish off the final part of my Trolls Trilogy and finish my end of the year show. These jobs will be mostly editing or tidying. I've got SOOOOO much material for Trolls, just little idea how to structure it. I've decided it will be released in daily episodes over a week and I suspect it will be more fragmented as a story, rather than a clear forward seeking narrative. We shall see.
But then, then there are the new plays and the old plays which haven't been scheduled for performance and so sit on my computer, lonely. There's a new piece I've sketched out in my mind called Happathy. Which is a happy story about the end of the world - it's fairly short though. And a sketchy one-to-one piece called Just Say Yes which I could probably throw together in an afternoon, if I were so inclined. Then there are the two long format plays I've been toying with for years and probably blogged about previously, so I won't go on about them.
Then there's the play with no story. No logic. There's a play in my head and it's just a scream. That's all I can see, a scream. Lots of screaming. Or, at least, it ends with a scream - because there's no where else to go. I think. I just don't know yet.
But I can't see any work happening on that till after the Pantomime and mundane thoughts about blocking and sound effects and schedules are banished from my brain.
Not that I dislike Pantomime - I really enjoy directing Pantomime, but it does tend to get in the way of my other work and it is, essentially, a commercial product. I've had some success with commercial theatre - one of my happier productions was directing a production of House Guest by Francis Durbridge. It's a bloody awful play, frankly, trapped in the 1950's (despite being set in the 1980's) and full of unhelpful repetitions of character names, to the point where you can't remember anyone's name because every sentence seems to contain a name and you end up with snow blindness. And I chose to do it, rather than Uncle Vanya.
So I cut it. I hacked it. A play that was in danger of running two to two and a half hours was culled down to ninety minutes. If I could have got away with it, I would have cut more and run it without an interval. (This was, it should be added, quite against the license, but no one checked!) It contained three deaths, each of which were staged with care. It had stacks of tension and atmosphere. My only complaint with the production (apart from the odd lighting and set issue) was the ending. The ending of House Guest is terrible. I wish I'd gone a bit further and, rather than just cut down, I'd actively changed the ending. A final shoot out with the villain blasted through the french windows, sugar glass flying, would have been fab. But I didn't. Hey-ho.
Ironically, as a piece of commerce it was a total failure - in that, it didn't actually sell any tickets. But as a fun, thrilling, suspenseful piece of balls - it was great.
So, as I say, I like the odd bit of commercial directing work - but it does stop me from writing much. But I can wait. I can wait.
Which should be in about a week. Then I will leap into action. Well I'll have to, I'll only have a couple of weeks to finish off the final part of my Trolls Trilogy and finish my end of the year show. These jobs will be mostly editing or tidying. I've got SOOOOO much material for Trolls, just little idea how to structure it. I've decided it will be released in daily episodes over a week and I suspect it will be more fragmented as a story, rather than a clear forward seeking narrative. We shall see.
But then, then there are the new plays and the old plays which haven't been scheduled for performance and so sit on my computer, lonely. There's a new piece I've sketched out in my mind called Happathy. Which is a happy story about the end of the world - it's fairly short though. And a sketchy one-to-one piece called Just Say Yes which I could probably throw together in an afternoon, if I were so inclined. Then there are the two long format plays I've been toying with for years and probably blogged about previously, so I won't go on about them.
Then there's the play with no story. No logic. There's a play in my head and it's just a scream. That's all I can see, a scream. Lots of screaming. Or, at least, it ends with a scream - because there's no where else to go. I think. I just don't know yet.
But I can't see any work happening on that till after the Pantomime and mundane thoughts about blocking and sound effects and schedules are banished from my brain.
Not that I dislike Pantomime - I really enjoy directing Pantomime, but it does tend to get in the way of my other work and it is, essentially, a commercial product. I've had some success with commercial theatre - one of my happier productions was directing a production of House Guest by Francis Durbridge. It's a bloody awful play, frankly, trapped in the 1950's (despite being set in the 1980's) and full of unhelpful repetitions of character names, to the point where you can't remember anyone's name because every sentence seems to contain a name and you end up with snow blindness. And I chose to do it, rather than Uncle Vanya.
So I cut it. I hacked it. A play that was in danger of running two to two and a half hours was culled down to ninety minutes. If I could have got away with it, I would have cut more and run it without an interval. (This was, it should be added, quite against the license, but no one checked!) It contained three deaths, each of which were staged with care. It had stacks of tension and atmosphere. My only complaint with the production (apart from the odd lighting and set issue) was the ending. The ending of House Guest is terrible. I wish I'd gone a bit further and, rather than just cut down, I'd actively changed the ending. A final shoot out with the villain blasted through the french windows, sugar glass flying, would have been fab. But I didn't. Hey-ho.
Ironically, as a piece of commerce it was a total failure - in that, it didn't actually sell any tickets. But as a fun, thrilling, suspenseful piece of balls - it was great.
So, as I say, I like the odd bit of commercial directing work - but it does stop me from writing much. But I can wait. I can wait.
Tuesday, 25 November 2014
The Contradictions of Sharing
I try to share as much of my work online. I write a semi regular blog, I post audio files, photos etc. But there are difficulties - the problem being, when I'm creating new work I don't want to share. The sharing comes afterward. But, for people to see and know about the work you need to share before it goes out. And I do struggle to do this. Regular visitors to this blog will notice a pattern, that the closer a show gets, the thinner my posts.
Sometimes it's a straightforward problem of not wanting to tell people too much about the story, because if you share too much, why come and watch the show? But it's usually more about mental energy and time.
I've just finished a long and exhausting process of rehearsing in Waiting for Godot. There were so many things I could have shared about that experience. I probably will, eventually. But there was no way I was going to produce anything coherent for you during that process. And now I'm worried I will forget it all before I get the time to write it up.
Part of the problem is my lack of connectivity. I have a laptop. It, in theory, is portable. It so isn't. I also don't have a smart phone - so sharing on the hoof isn't possible. I have to get home, boot up, connect the camera (if I've taken pictures) download, upload and... well, you get the picture.
This I plan to change - next year I've got projects that will need to be shared instantly, so I will put in place materials and systems to make this happen. Whether, mid project, additional technology will help clear my addled brain, I don't know - but that we'll see. But I will try harder.
Sometimes it's a straightforward problem of not wanting to tell people too much about the story, because if you share too much, why come and watch the show? But it's usually more about mental energy and time.
I've just finished a long and exhausting process of rehearsing in Waiting for Godot. There were so many things I could have shared about that experience. I probably will, eventually. But there was no way I was going to produce anything coherent for you during that process. And now I'm worried I will forget it all before I get the time to write it up.
Part of the problem is my lack of connectivity. I have a laptop. It, in theory, is portable. It so isn't. I also don't have a smart phone - so sharing on the hoof isn't possible. I have to get home, boot up, connect the camera (if I've taken pictures) download, upload and... well, you get the picture.
This I plan to change - next year I've got projects that will need to be shared instantly, so I will put in place materials and systems to make this happen. Whether, mid project, additional technology will help clear my addled brain, I don't know - but that we'll see. But I will try harder.
Monday, 24 November 2014
Alternative Spaces - Part Two
I'm looking for a room. I need a room - it needs to hold about twenty/thirty people, seated, with some space to perform but it must all be one level. I don't want a theatre - I need a room. But it needs to be accessible, easily accessible, to the general public. And I'll be looking to hire the room March/April 2015.
What is the room for? Well, I'll be announcing that very soon. But it's good.
The show would be Pay-What-You-Want and, but I'll happily hire the space, or I'd split the box office if there's interest. It needs to ideally be in the East of England or London - but I'll be interested in moving out to different parts of the UK.
Suggestions or offers to me please - either email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or Twitter me @RobertCrighton
What is the room for? Well, I'll be announcing that very soon. But it's good.
The show would be Pay-What-You-Want and, but I'll happily hire the space, or I'd split the box office if there's interest. It needs to ideally be in the East of England or London - but I'll be interested in moving out to different parts of the UK.
Suggestions or offers to me please - either email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or Twitter me @RobertCrighton
Friday, 21 November 2014
Alternative Spaces - Part One
I'm looking for an office. Somewhere public. I've written a new one to one piece and I don't want to do it in a theatre - I need an office. But it needs to be accessible, easily accessible, to the general public. Ideally, I need a waiting area and then a small office space, a cupboard sized one that will fit two people. The show is called Just Say Yes. It's about job interviews. Hence the need for an office, but one which people can find easily and which won't interfere with people around it.
That said, I'd happily bring the show to a business - the staff could all come in one at a time. That would be interesting.
The show would be Pay-What-You-Want and I'd split the box office with whoever lends the space. I couldn't hire the space outright. It needs to ideally be in the East of England or London.
Suggestions or offers to me please - either email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or Twitter me @RobertCrighton
That said, I'd happily bring the show to a business - the staff could all come in one at a time. That would be interesting.
The show would be Pay-What-You-Want and I'd split the box office with whoever lends the space. I couldn't hire the space outright. It needs to ideally be in the East of England or London.
Suggestions or offers to me please - either email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or Twitter me @RobertCrighton
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
Love Theatre
God I hate theatre sometimes. I just hate it. I mean it's such hard work. You can't just wander in and sit and stuff happens at you, you have to be engaged. You have to listen. And look. Looking is the worst. You have to decide where to look. Because, it's not as if there's a camera or anything to tell you where you're supposed to look. Awful.
And then there's the sitting down. All that sitting down. And the seats are never as comfy as in a cinema. Never. Even if they are, all that attention you're giving to those people doing stuff makes you tense up a bit so you never get comfy. And seriously, isn't that what seats are for?
But it could be worse, you could be standing. Standing! For hours. Watching people, doing stuff. With all these other people, standing. And that's just awful. I can stand at home. For free.
And then there's the plays. I mean, who goes to see plays? We've got YouTube now and that's so much easier to get on your phone. Cos you can watch a cat do something cute at anytime you like on a tiny screen and that's so much better than seeing an actual event through all your senses.
Or dance? I mean, what's all that about? All that dancing and moving - and the floors squeaking. Cos they do.
And opera, with all the singing and the singing and they're all fatties anyway, singing in their fat way.
God I hate theatre.
Except when it's brilliant. Then it's okay.
I mean, sometimes it's really exciting and stuff.
Someone sings or gets stabbed and you just didn't see that coming.
Or you watch a Shakespeare and it wasn't really, really boring, like at school. Probably cos it's not at school.
Or when it goes all dark before the show starts and then it starts.
Or when you forget that your bum aches or your feet hurt or the price of the ticket and you cry and you go out into the night after the show thinking and happy or happy and sad or just different. Actually a slightly different person.
Or something similar.
Then it's okay. It can stay.
And then there's the sitting down. All that sitting down. And the seats are never as comfy as in a cinema. Never. Even if they are, all that attention you're giving to those people doing stuff makes you tense up a bit so you never get comfy. And seriously, isn't that what seats are for?
But it could be worse, you could be standing. Standing! For hours. Watching people, doing stuff. With all these other people, standing. And that's just awful. I can stand at home. For free.
And then there's the plays. I mean, who goes to see plays? We've got YouTube now and that's so much easier to get on your phone. Cos you can watch a cat do something cute at anytime you like on a tiny screen and that's so much better than seeing an actual event through all your senses.
Or dance? I mean, what's all that about? All that dancing and moving - and the floors squeaking. Cos they do.
And opera, with all the singing and the singing and they're all fatties anyway, singing in their fat way.
God I hate theatre.
Except when it's brilliant. Then it's okay.
I mean, sometimes it's really exciting and stuff.
Someone sings or gets stabbed and you just didn't see that coming.
Or you watch a Shakespeare and it wasn't really, really boring, like at school. Probably cos it's not at school.
Or when it goes all dark before the show starts and then it starts.
Or when you forget that your bum aches or your feet hurt or the price of the ticket and you cry and you go out into the night after the show thinking and happy or happy and sad or just different. Actually a slightly different person.
Or something similar.
Then it's okay. It can stay.
Monday, 17 November 2014
Coming Soon to a Bar Near Me
Well, we're reaching the end of my Artist Residency at the Quay. [Oh no he isn't, OH YES HE IS! - sorry directing a panto at the moment] I've got two big things left to complete, but otherwise we're nearly at the end. One is the last part of The Trolls Trilogy which has been brutally delayed - sorry everyone! - but I wasn't happy writing it in short chunks, it was doing something to the flow I didn't like by the end of Lost Tribe - so it'll be released in longer chunks in the last few weeks of the year. * So far Paper Moon Trolls (an unfortunate acronym) is coming along nicely, so I think I made the right decision.
The end point for Trolls will be the promised live performance. But this isn't going to be a big show and it won't be quite the same as the full length online story. It'll be shorter, tighter and secret. It'll be a pop up show for my funders and loyal supporters only - though I might squeeze you in if you ask nicely.
But before I finally reveal the final show of the year, let's give you a run down of events so far!
1. The Trolls Trilogy - under construction. Well received so far online, over a thousand people have listened so far...
2. You Have Been Watching - 'sold' out installation. Surprisingly good response.
3. Hang - radio play almost universally loved by all. Available as an audio download and script.
4. The Juliet Inquiry - a public inquiry version of the Shakespeare play. We got such a good reaction to the play that it was revived in October and I've future plans for it either next year or for the 2016 Shakespeare death anniversary. So far only available in script form.
5. The Shakespeare Delusion - the second (or first, depending on your point of view) play of my little Shakespeare trilogy. Again very well received - streamed live online as well as London revivals at the LOST Theatre.
6. Complicated Pleasures - the big misstep of a project. Liked by many, loved by many, hated by many. A long post about this is long overdue, I just haven't had the strength to write it.
7. Attack of the Christmas Squirrels - was this number 7? I forget. The projects have changed over the year and this was, ironically, the second show to be completed. This is a home storytelling show open to anyone who wants to see it. Just get in touch, it won't go away. Well received at the premiere.
8. Historic Crimes - another radio play, live streamed and with a great critical response. The final play in my Shakespeare Trilogy, making that a nice little hat trick. Soon to be available as an audio download and script.
9. The Museum of Tat - audio comedy series with my good friend Michael Fouldes. Still available to listen to now. Generally well received, but not enough feedback yet. Listen again here.
10. THE END OF THE ROAD SHOW! This will feature as it's centrepiece Beware of the Blob - a very silly story about my love of B-Movies and featuring a lot of balloons. There will be singing, dancing and a bar. A great way to end my residency and good fun for all. I would live stream it, but who'd be listening? It's New Year's Eve!
Also I did a bit of audio work, trying a radio show, which didn't really work as no one listened. Except for one person who did and was really hurt that I didn't tell anyone when I stopped doing them. Sorry. I've also added a few recordings to the Before Shakespeare project, wrote a short monologue about political opportunism and backed up a lot of data. On top of acting in three plays for other people (She Stoops to Conquer, The Importance of Being Earnest and Waiting for Godot) and directing a Pantomime.
*I wrote at the time, in earlier blogs, that the structure was working - but I was so wrong. Sometimes you can delude yourself into thinking things that so not true.
The end point for Trolls will be the promised live performance. But this isn't going to be a big show and it won't be quite the same as the full length online story. It'll be shorter, tighter and secret. It'll be a pop up show for my funders and loyal supporters only - though I might squeeze you in if you ask nicely.
But before I finally reveal the final show of the year, let's give you a run down of events so far!
1. The Trolls Trilogy - under construction. Well received so far online, over a thousand people have listened so far...
2. You Have Been Watching - 'sold' out installation. Surprisingly good response.
3. Hang - radio play almost universally loved by all. Available as an audio download and script.
4. The Juliet Inquiry - a public inquiry version of the Shakespeare play. We got such a good reaction to the play that it was revived in October and I've future plans for it either next year or for the 2016 Shakespeare death anniversary. So far only available in script form.
5. The Shakespeare Delusion - the second (or first, depending on your point of view) play of my little Shakespeare trilogy. Again very well received - streamed live online as well as London revivals at the LOST Theatre.
6. Complicated Pleasures - the big misstep of a project. Liked by many, loved by many, hated by many. A long post about this is long overdue, I just haven't had the strength to write it.
7. Attack of the Christmas Squirrels - was this number 7? I forget. The projects have changed over the year and this was, ironically, the second show to be completed. This is a home storytelling show open to anyone who wants to see it. Just get in touch, it won't go away. Well received at the premiere.
8. Historic Crimes - another radio play, live streamed and with a great critical response. The final play in my Shakespeare Trilogy, making that a nice little hat trick. Soon to be available as an audio download and script.
9. The Museum of Tat - audio comedy series with my good friend Michael Fouldes. Still available to listen to now. Generally well received, but not enough feedback yet. Listen again here.
10. THE END OF THE ROAD SHOW! This will feature as it's centrepiece Beware of the Blob - a very silly story about my love of B-Movies and featuring a lot of balloons. There will be singing, dancing and a bar. A great way to end my residency and good fun for all. I would live stream it, but who'd be listening? It's New Year's Eve!
Also I did a bit of audio work, trying a radio show, which didn't really work as no one listened. Except for one person who did and was really hurt that I didn't tell anyone when I stopped doing them. Sorry. I've also added a few recordings to the Before Shakespeare project, wrote a short monologue about political opportunism and backed up a lot of data. On top of acting in three plays for other people (She Stoops to Conquer, The Importance of Being Earnest and Waiting for Godot) and directing a Pantomime.
*I wrote at the time, in earlier blogs, that the structure was working - but I was so wrong. Sometimes you can delude yourself into thinking things that so not true.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)