Less Historic, More Ancient Crimes

The halfway mark (depending how you want to judge it, it's not quite a linear year) for Project 10/52 (starting v. soon) is Project Six - Historic Crimes.  It's a serious play - a funny in places, but also very dark.  It's based, in part, on the current scandals rocking British broadcasting, schools - anywhere where people in positions of trust have been found to have abused their positions - where people in whom we have invested public affection turn out to have dark secrets in their pasts.
I think the two possible reactions can be summed up neatly thus - when Jimmy Savile - DJ, television presenter and clearly a seriously dodgy bloke, turned out actually to be a sex offender, everyone sort of already knew or were not in the least bit surprised and so went - NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.  However, when another celebrity was accused of a similar crime, (accused, not convicted) the reaction among all my friends was - NO, NOT HIM!  This was because we liked him, liked his work and we don't want his work tainted by accusations or, if prosecuted, convictions.  (Note my careful wording to avoid libeling anyone.)
And these are the reactions to minor celebrities - what would happen if it was someone really important, someone who had real cultural capital?

Happy Birthday Shakespeare.

The play's about how a group of people would act if they found out that the secular god that is Shakespeare was guilty of some very historic crimes?  Would they tell anyone?  Would they let the truth out or would they keep silent?  If a crime is committed in the distant past, is it our duty to stand up for the victim (who cannot be helped) or leave well alone?
It is one of a long line of plays that I have written which I would call morality tales.  I tend to be a very moral writer - though only in the subject, not in the action of the plays sometimes.  To write a morality you often have to show very immoral things - show the things that the audience must judge (or not judge) as right.  Incidentally, this play will not show any of the crimes I'm forcing onto the greatest writer of all time - it will deal mostly in ideas, characters, emotion and Norman Wisdom (who will, I must assure fans, be a force for good - not that I can't libel him, he's dead - I just wouldn't, that would be mean).

The Good and Bad Deeds of Everyone

It's been a week of Everyman action - with a fundraiser show at the Quay Theatre and then a couple of performances at Essex University for their first years.  As followers of this blog will know, I get the audience to write out good and bad deeds before the show.  Here are most of the entries, some are specific things people have done, some are abstract, some are rather moving, some are a bit disgusting... and my favourite less than perfect good deeds/bad deeds are listed at the bottom of each list.

Good Deeds:
Saving someone from walking in front of a car...
Bought a homeless person a coffee and a cake...
Payed for my friends match fees...
Bought my flatmate her shopping when she forgot her purse...
Look after my friend who's having a bad time at the moment...
Help an old person across the road...
Helped a lady lift her pram up the stairs...
Helped an old woman find the car park where she parked her car...
Took in a stray cat...
Visit an old lady once a week so she has company...
I helped an old lady across the street...
I returned a man's hat to him...
Gave someone a penny in Tesco...
Gave someone change on the bus as they were short of fare...
Helped at a homeless shelter...
I saved my dog being attacked by another dog...
I once helped a lost child find its mum...
Saved a man from walking in front of a car...
I gave money to a person once...
Lending money to a friend in need...
Teaching my little sister how to speak and read...
Made exam notes for my friend...
Charity work...
I made [someone] Star Wars cupcakes...
Look after my family...
I looked after an old dude before he died...
Cut an elderly relatives toenails...
Being supportive and being generally lovely to all!
Save someone's life...
I once performed the Heimlich manoeuvre on someone...
Visiting very talkative elderly neighbour...
I write to my sisters...
Gave neighbour a load of logs...
Listened to a friend...
I do the ironing (but not well)...
Cleaning out the Quay bogs...
I took flowers to Mum-in-Law...
Gave a stranger a lift - when she was waiting in the snow for a bus...
Being nice and understanding towards a grumpy neighbour...
Rescue dogs...
I go to my granddad's often and sit and speak to him for most of the day and go to town with him, as he lives alone...
I saved a spider from my bath...

And the less good, good-deeds:
I give my good ideas away and I let others take the credit!  (Is this a good deed? Really?)
Not being horrid to irritating small children... (I hear you brother!)
Taken women out for dinner... (hmmnn, depends very much on the motive!)
Buying my sister 1D tickets... (A bad deed, surely?)
I make other people feel better about themselves by being terrible at absolutely everything!
Did stupid shit to make people laugh...

Bad Deeds:
Forgot to feed my sisters hamster when she was away for the weekend...
I did not clean up my dog's poo...
Day with then girlfriend - told work I was sick...
Broke a plate and blamed it on my little sister...
Caught in a compromising position by my nan...
Ate chocolate bar - put wrapper in brothers bed...
Stole an old woman's seat on the bus...
I stole a necklace...
Punched a friend in the face...
Being irritable...
I stole two glasses of wine...
Objectifying women...
Public masturbation...
Bestiality...
Smoked too much pot...
Sniffed Ketamine...
Scrapped an idiots van...
Killed a fly...
Trod on a snail...
Committed murder...
Farting and blaming someone else...
Getting so drunk I can't remember much in the morning...
Arrested for indecent exposure after Rocky Horror Picture Show...
Cheating at French...
Told a fib to the council...
Road killing a rat...
Slept with a married man...
Pushed an old lady down stairs...
Stole a 1p sweet...
I found £15 in a puddle and took it...
Stealing milk that's not mine...
I judge...

And if you've lost faith in human nature then there are a couple bad deeds that I rather like...

Was a banker...

And...

Voted Lib-Dem in the last election...

Beware of the Blob

I love B-Movies.  I've loved them for years.  The general cheapness, the lack of a decent script, the poor acting, the sense that they were filmed in less than a week.  They're often a bit boring, but luckily don't last too long and so don't outstay their welcome.  This was entertainment often created title first, everything else second.  "IT CONQUERED THE WORLD!"  Great title.  Terrible film.  Especially as IT doesn't really conquer anything very much, beyond a small cave.
I've been influenced by these films more than I'd perhaps like to think.  I've been guilty of creating a title first and show second a number of times.  This isn't one of those instances.  I came up with the plot over Christmas last year, sketching it out on long train journeys to and from London.
The Blob isn't quite a proper B-Movie, partly because it's in colour, has Steve McQueen in it and has reasonably good special effects.  It is a B-Movie in so much as it's a bit dull in many places and the script needs work.  But it is the film I will be homaging in Project 5, Beware of the Blob.  
It isn't a remake and it doesn't feature any material from the film - I can't afford it for a start.  The Blob of my story is something quite different and, though featuring a blob of sorts, it's a very different kind of blob.  It's a lonely blob.  A blob which sings.
In fact, much of the show will be sung - the protagonist and the blob itself will have a number of solo songs.  And the audience will very much be involved - for the most part blowing up balloons, which will be the body of the blob throughout the show.
If you haven't already got it by now, this is going to be a funny, silly, knockabout show - with singing, maybe dancing and a lot of balloons - something I feel most B-Movies have lacked.
Oh, and possibly some Elvis.  Not sure yet.
I'll also be performing a parallel piece as part of my Saturday Storyteller slot on Saturday lunchtimes.  It's a homage to another B-Movie, the wonderfully terrible The Brain Eaters.  Here is a blog that will tell you everything you need to know about the film, and some good detail about B-Movies themselves.  My story is a little different - a mix of B-Movie silliness and the story of someone whose brain is literally being eaten.  Whose words start fail to sense as eaten brain is what ah help.
So, that'll be on sometime in May ish 2014.  It won't be streamed online I'm afraid and tickets will be very limited in number so to be put on the waiting list for tickets email me now at contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

Out and About With Death

The other day I, and a few friends, did a bit of a photoshoot.  It's for a Storyteller Saturday show called An Audience with Mors De'ath.  So, I sent a lot of time wandering around Sudbury, Suffolk, dressed a bit like Death.
This elicited a number of responses - from laughter, confusion, wry smiles, open hostility ("what a weirdo") and a near fatal heart attack.  (Okay, it wasn't as bad as all that, but the nice old lady who saw me didn't half jump.)  Interestingly a number of people wanted to take pictures with me.  Quite a lot of people.  So, I'm incorporating a 'have your picture taken with Death' booth to the show.
But that's not for another couple of weeks - still got Problem Tree and The Summoning of Everyman to go before then and another exploration of the Chester mystery plays.  So I'll leave you with the first batch of pictures of poor Mors De'ath - taken by Mark Pavelin, who was documenting the taking of pictures by John Bethall, whose pictures will go up next week.

Enquiring after Juliet

To enquire or inquire - that is the question.  I think the difference between the two words is that to enquire is
a more day to day activity, I enquire after your health - whereas to inquire is more formal.  I'm not saying that this is a dictionary definition - I'm fairly certain they are just alternate spellings of the same word and have the same meaning, that's just a personal touch of spin.
The reason I waffle on about this word is to introduce you to the difficulties I had titling Project Four of next years Project 10/52.  I say next year, technically it will start in December, but let's no quibble over a couple of weeks.  It's a 2014 thing.  Anyway, Project Four is call The Juliet Inquiry only after I faffed around looking at the different spellings of the word e/inquire.  In the end inquire won because it was the spelling used in various high profile public inquiries over the last decade or so, and a public inquiry is what it is all about.
Basically, and not very originally I will add, The Juliet Inquiry is my version of Romeo and Juliet presented as a public inquiry.  I say not very originally as I'm sure someone has done it before.  However, I have a few spins going on which should make it different.  Firstly, though it will include bits of Shakespeare, it is a modern play and won't follow the original very much at all.  Secondly, I've turned the story upside down a bit, by having the families being the best of friends until the couple get together, rather than bitter enemies.  The love of Romeo and Juliet is destructive, not healing.  It will also question their relationship by having Romeo older than the teenage Juliet, echoing various scandals that have hit the headlines in the last few years.
So, beyond hints to the original, it is quite different.
It is, also, one of two works this year that will touch on Shakespeare - beyond my recordings of his poetry which will go out online - as the June project will also feature the bard - though more literally.  Well, it is his birthday.  Though he might not like the presents he'll get from me!
The Juliet Inquiry will also be the first project to not appear at the Quay Theatre - being part of my Out and About programme.  It's performing at the Guildhall in Lavenham on Shakespeare's birth/death day - Wednesday 23rd April - as it's the kind of public space that an inquiry might turn up at.  Tickets aren't available yet, but you can email me to be put on the reservation list - first come, first serve. Email: contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

Storyteller Saturdays

I've been testing out a regular Saturday slot for storytelling down the Quay  (where I am Artist in Residence don't-ya-know) and have been very pleased with the results so far.  So, I'm going to keep it up.  It's now called Storyteller Saturdays and, excepting the the odd week when it won't happen (like this week), I'll be down the Quay Theatre every Saturday lunchtime performing stories, many of them one-to-one, some not.  It'll be mostly for those who pre-book, just send me a message via email, twitter, text or even by phone, though if I have gaps I will take anyone who's in the building - and it's all Pay-What-You-Want, so no pressure to break the bank. 

Each story will be around 15/20 minutes long and will utilise different techniques - both the stories I'm telling for the rest of the year will use a lot of technology to work, but next year I'll be going commando... technology wise.

So, two stories for the rest of the year - the very well received (see audience feedback below) Problem Tree returns for another two Saturdays in November, then a world premiere of a new piece, An Audience with Mors De'ath, which features one very sad figure who is not unlike the grim reaper - who is not only Death, but also deaf.  It's the bane of his odd existence.

Next year I'm planning to tell a number of stories - a new version of Sleep Inc. which I've only performed a couple of times and never got round to tidying up.  It's a doctor's appointment with a difference, where the patient finds that his sleep has been stolen from him and he'll have to pay to get it back.  I performed it earlier this year and I want to make it a bit further, darker - though it is largely a comedy.  Then there will be a piece currently titled Ambassador for the Future, which it literally what it is about - an embassy building over a hole in time and space, where the future holds court with the present.  

There are other stories and I'll probably ring the changes every month or two - depending on the audiences over the year.

The bar is open, there is often food, it's a lovely way to waste a bit of your afternoon.

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

Storyteller Saturdays

Lunchtime Storytelling at the Quay Theatre

Problem Tree

Performing Saturday 2nd & 9th November from 12.20pm

“My father was a lovely, kind, reserved...

Nut job.  I say this in the nicest possible way.

When he died he believed that he was both fifty

and a hundred at the same time...”

Problem Tree is the impossible story of one man’s father and a tree that can’t exist.  A story of the First World War, of running away from your past and hiding in the future. 

The World Premiere of...

An Audience with Mors De'ath

Saturdays 16th, 23rd & 30th November from 12.20pm

Mors De'ath has an odd life – being Death and all.  But really he just wants to be understood.  This is his story.

All stories written and performed by award-winning storyteller Robert Crighton, Artist in Residence at the Quay Theatre.  Let Robert guide you through his alternative vision of the world in the genial environs of the Quay Theatre. 

All stories performing at 20 minute intervals from 12.20pm

Book your story by calling 07704 704 469

or email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

The Quay Theatre, Quay Theatre, Quay Lane, Sudbury, CO10 2AN

www.milkbottleproductions.co.uk

Praise for Storyteller shows – Problem Tree (2013)

“How fabulous!  Thank you Robert.  I will keep thinking about aspects of that story or two stories!  Truly wonderful!”  - Jacqueline Cooper Clarke

“Absolutely brilliant!!  Light and airy, dark, happy, sad, perfectly crafted and enjoyed every minute.  Bravo!” – Peter Day

“Funny, weird, intriguing, enthralling.  That’s the story.  The storyteller, knockout.  Beautifully delivered.  A thoroughly enjoyable experience.” – Kevin Roychowdhury

“Totally brilliant!  Mesmerising, intriguing, I could have sat for another 20 minutes!  Thank you!” - Marion Tuke

“Strange – atmospheric – absorbing...” Peter Walker

“Keep on inventing, please.” Maria Walker

“Transported to another world – interesting and totally relaxing!”  Liz Cole

“Superb piece.  Interesting concept and staging.” Alan Scott

“Really enjoyed this story, a truly original and bizarre tale told very well.”  Jo Brooker

“Mesmerising experience, the story and the telling.  A worthy experiment of form, pleasing, disturbing, absorbing.  High recommendations.” Cecil Qadir

“A lovely experience, both soothing and stimulating.  Highly original – well performed – transported to another world.”  Anthea Halstead

“The Shanachie lives!  A weird and wonderful experience!” Denis Brogan

Problem Tree - First Performances

Before I begin, I'd just like to say YAY! this blog has now been read over 10,000 times.
And, back in the room...

Last week I performed the first of my one-to-one performance encounters, Problem Tree, and I was amazed how will it worked.  I knew it was a story that worked, having included it in a Teaching Gods & Other Stories... show a few years ago, but I'd never tried it myself in an one-to-one environment.  The one-to-one storytelling idea has hit some... shall we call it... consumer resistance.  When I announced it at the launch of my residency, I was surprised how many people really didn't warm to the idea.  "What, one-to-one?  Don't like the sound of that."  It got considerably fewer sign ups than The Summoning of Everyman which is a morality play featuring Death.  So, we can assume that people prefer confronting Death to sitting opposite another human being... which gives me an idea for a show, which I'll post about later.
Anyway, some people went for it and I performed the first shows on Saturday and it went rather well.  Each performance was different - more so than in any other performance situation I've worked in before.  Some sat and decided not to look at me.  Most looked into my eyes throughout.  Many found the normal cues of conversation kept coming up, making the usual noises you make when you're talking to someone.  Little smiles, ur-hums, nods.  But then, after a few minutes, they stopped... just listening... focused in a way that you don't always get in theatre, if nothing else because drifting off would seem rude.
I'm looking forward to seeing how the next set of audients react this Saturday - there are still some slots left, email me contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or call me 07704 704 469 to book your place.  And if you're not convinced - well, here's some of the feedback from last week...

“How fabulous!  Thank you Robert.  I will keep thinking about aspects of that story or two stories!  Truly wonderful!”  - Jacqueline Cooper Clarke

“Absolutely brilliant!!  Light and airy, dark, happy, sad, perfectly crafted and enjoyed every minute.  Bravo!” – Peter Day

“Funny, weird, intriguing, enthralling.  That’s the story.  The storyteller, knockout.  Beautifully delivered.  A thoroughly enjoyable experience.” – Kevin Roychowdhury

“Totally brilliant!  Mesmerising, intriguing, I could have sat for another 20 minutes!  Thank you! J” - Marion Tuke

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

The Storyteller Will See You Now

One-to-One Storytelling in the Quay Theatre Bar

PROBLEM TREE

Written and Performed by Award-Winning Storyteller Robert Crighton

Artist in Residence at the Quay Theatre

“My father was a lovely, kind, reserved...

Nut job.  I say this in the nicest possible way.

When he died he believed that he was both fifty

and a hundred at the same time...”

Problem Tree is the impossible story of one man’s father and a tree that can’t exist.  A story of the First World War, of running away from your past and hiding in the future.  Let storyteller Robert Crighton guide you through his alternative vision of the world in the genial environs of the Quay Theatre – one-to-one storytelling, just for you.  Get yourself a drink and perhaps a bite to eat, sit back and relax for twenty minutes of you time.

All Performances Pay-What-You-Want

Performing Saturday 19th October 2013

at twenty minute intervals between 12.20 and 2.40pm

The Quay Theatre Bar, Quay Theatre, Quay Lane, Sudbury, CO10 2AN

Book your one-to-one encounter by calling 07704 704 469

or email contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

www.milkbottleproductions.co.uk