Monday, 10 December 2012

THERE'S A HAMSTER IN IT!

I have been reduced to write an 'Angry of Tunbridge Wells' blog at the inability of the press to read blurb.  I've had to fend off two reviews for Storyteller this year, both of which were marred by the reviewer's inability to read blurb.  Both came to the "Comic Ghost Stories... including the tale of a poltergeist hamster" and then wrote angry disappointed reviews that the show was comic and featured a poltergeist hamster.  The public seem to be able to grasp this but the press - sent additional material with passages like -


"A traditional ghost story show, with a difference – it’s played for laughs not for fear.  Ghosts are faintly absurd things, they wander around making noises, feeling generally sorry for themselves – why do we take them seriously?"

- seem incapable of understanding this simple fact.  So... just in case you don't already know, in case there is any confusion lingering, let me tell you now...

THERE'S A FUCKING HAMSTER IN IT - ALRIGHT!

And relax.
Okay, I'm not that worried about these reviews because, like myself, they're on a blog and so no one reads them.  This partly explains the lack of editorial control on one review that did actually libel me.  Not critical opinion, actual proper libel.  Well, they did for about two hours, until I saw it, wrote a polite letter explaining the law and demanding a retraction.  This was got, within minutes.  But that's the problem of the wild west of blogging, a lot of people forget there are rules and standards out there in the real world.
But I can take heart that it's even more dog eat dog in the wider publishing world.  Have you read the reviews for the all female Julius Caesar at the Donmar?  Well, they're mixed, some love it, some hate it.  This is fine.  It is the sexism of the commentary that makes my blood boil - the implicit and occassionally explicit commentary from three Daily Telegraph reviews saying that women just can't hack these bloke parts.  Not a review of the performances, the play, the staging, but a blatent piss orgy on women doing an all female Shakespeare, stating that because Shakespeare did it the other way round (boys playing girls) this is somehow NORMAL.  RIGHT.
Women playing men, men playing women - HOW IS THIS NEWS!  We're actors.  That's what we do - we pretend to be other people.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  That's it.  It is one thing to say that this production doesn't work, it is quite another to say that women can't hack it - which is implicitly what this particular boys club is saying.
So... as I say.  I don't have it half bad at all.

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Pictures of the Fantasy League

Usual plea, buy tickets, etc...
And now some pictures... I haven't done any work to them - there are a couple that will need adjusting... but I'm rushing around at the moment so here they are.  All photos (bar one) from The Fantasy Terrorist Variations.

Keith Hill in Fantasy Terrorist League

Keith again, in The Project After

Robert Crighton... mucking about with camera

Simon Nader in Keynote Speaker

Simon Nader in The Project After - sans trousers

Keith and Simon in The Project After

Friday, 30 November 2012

The Story So Far...

In the beginning there was a big bang... or something like that. Stuff happened, planet came together, chains of protein got busy and eventually grew to realise lots of stuff.  Stuff, stuff, stuff.
Anyway, to more immediate history, we're premiered... as it were.  Had a few lovely audiences for both shows and started to get a sense of how to play the plays.  I know, that sounds a little odd - we've been rehearsing for weeks and we've only just figured that out?  Well, yes.  It takes an audience to tell you which bits work and which bits need work, what gets a laugh, what gets you killed.  Sometimes rehearsals - especially so with monologue work (which about 70% of this stuff is) - are just a mechanical exercise of building a car from instinct in a darkened room.  Yes, it feels like you've put it together correctly, but you won't know till the doors of the garage opens and you have some light to see by.  And sometimes that's when you discover you've put the engine in the boot.
Not so I think with these shows.  The audiences leave smiling, they leave us their email addresses and buy the scripts of the shows on their way out (if they haven't already done so).  Nothing reassures me more than an audience that wishes to spend more cash on the show AFTER it has finished.  Unhappy audiences do not do this.
But, it's still early doors, it's possible the audiences so far have been idiots who are delighted at the prospect of simply sitting in a darkened room, watching the words fly past their heads, happy in their ignorance.  It's possible that the future audiences will sit their, arms folded, grumpy faced going - well get on with it then.  This is entirely possible.  But unlikely.  I hope.
Photos from the show will follow soon - it's been a hectic week and we just haven't had the chance - so that's something to look forward to.
So, bye-bye November, you've been a busy month.  On with Christmas and a Happy New Run.

P.S.  You can buy tickets here.

Monday, 26 November 2012

Teched Last Night

"Teched last night and we teched the night before,
We're all tired of teching, we don't want to tech anymore.
When we tech, we're as happy as can be,
But a hundred fucking lighting cues is much to much for me.

Wait for it, just wait for it,
We've another half an hour of this wanky shit,
We don't think the crew can take much more of it,
We don't want to do it anymore."

This above was a ditty I adjusted from "Gassed Last Night" when doing slides on a production of Oh What a Lovely War.  The tech wasn't actually that bad, it was a long one but it was a complex show - what are you going to do?  But it's always nice to have a moan, especially in verse.  It was however a versatile little number, wholey appropriate for other productions which were wanky to the nth degree.
I'm glad to say the technical rehearsal for Fantasy Terrorist Variations didn't fit the above.  It was very civilised.  I got on with the lights, while Simon and Keith ran lines.  We then did a cue to cue and a run.  A few minor stumbles on cues, but that's what tech rehearsals are for.  To rehearse.  And then get right.
So, just a few hours to go now people, book those tickets - etc - you know the drill by now
See you on the other side.

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Odds and Ends

Just a few things today - it's two days till first night and I'm gathering props and costumes together ready for tomorrows tech/dress.  Then a run of Ghost Storyteller.  Waiting in also for the script/programme for The Fantasy Terrorist Variations that arrived on Friday when I was at home, but they assumed I wasn't in, didn't even ring the bell, and left a card saying they missed me.  Most annoyed.
Today has been a good day for this little blog - started about 18 months ago and this month has had the most hits - even more than this time last year.  So, nice to see you've been reading.
I was in London yesterday doing a bit of publicity, being interviewed on Monocle 24 - a sort of commercial World Service radio station.  I discovered on the way that my shoes leaked, so did the interview barefoot - my shoes and socks quietly steaming on a radiator.  My host, Georgina Godwin, did not seem to be offended.  In fact, we did talk about my damp socks briefly during the interview, before moving onto ghosts, terrorists and arts subsidy - on which latter subject I don't think I was wholey convincing.  For those who missed the interview the station also do podcasts, so it may reappear shortly for you to judge for yourselves.
On the way to the interview I, and the other occupants of the West bound Metropolitan Line train at around 12.40pm were harangued by a gentleman slightly worse for wear and definitely very angry about something.  We all, dutifully, ignored him.  I caught his eye a couple of times (my technique must be off) but I think I got away with it.  It was only as he got off the train that I suddenly realised what he was talking about.  Beyond calling us scum, though using other four letter words instead, he was also calling us thieving cheapskates.
He was talking about the rebate.
Now that's a better class of drunk.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Viva Espana

Okay, normally this close to the beginning of a run in London I would be blogging all about that - though as I have just mentioned the shows - tickets available here, BOOK NOW! - you could argue this blog is about them.  Except it isn't.  It's about another premiere - which is happening in Spain.  I am now an international playwright, quite accidentally I must add. 
The mastermind behind this production is Jamie-Glyn Bale who used to work at LOST and who was there when I won various very nice awards at their One-Act Festival.  He does work in Spain where for the last few years he has been wanting to translate and perform some of my monologues/plays.  Every so often an email would appear, I would give permission and then time would pass.  However, this year everything has come together - tonight there will be the first Spanish performance of a collection of pieces titled The Alternative Seagull and Other Stories.  Which translates as La Gaviota Alternativa y otras historiasHere is a link to prove this is true.  The company performing it are La Palabra Teatro and here is a link to their website similarly to prove that they too are true.  Because I do need to check every so often that it is.

If I wasn't stuck in rehearsals here, and had some spare cash, I would pop over and watch.  But I can't.  So, I'll just bask in the warm glow of performance.  My little babies have flown the nest - just look what they are doing now.
So, thank you Jamie and break many legs La Palabra Teatro.  May your Seagull fly... or if you know the content of my play, sit there doing very little unless moved by another person.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

How to Get People to Watch Verse Drama

Don't tell 'em.

Yup, that's about it.  Write the play, stage the play, make sure it's good and don't tell anyone (beyond the cast - they might not notice unless you do) that it is written in verse.  Unless it's written in rhyming couplets (which in English is a hiding to nothing) then 99% of the audience won't notice.  To call your play a verse drama is to label yourself as an elitist arty wanker, regardless as to whether you are, and you won't get a very broad base for your audience.

*

Which leads me onto issues to do with audiences rather well.  The arts editor at the BBC said something a bit foolish... not because what he said was wrong, that is up for debate, but it wasn't very well contextualised.  Here is a report about what he said on the Guardian website - the comments section is quite interesting for once.  Basically he seemed to say that subsidy is all wrong because in all the years of the Arts Council the numbers of poor people watching art hasn't increased.  And, to make matters worse, he weighted his arguments about elitism against ballet, opera - the usual suspects, as it were - rather than other, more successful art forms.  This is a simplification, but that's how it came across, which is all that matters here.
Now, on one level, he has a point.  We have failed as a nation to embrace art, even though routes to it are greater than ever.  The verdict on Verse Drama is a good example.  Nothing puts the backs up of those who don't earn much money more than something that smells of arty wank.  Even from my gilded position in the middle of the middle classes, the whiff of suspect wankery is something that I avoid like the plague in my own work - as I also do with cliched expressions.  This is the national mood.  High art is for wealthy people, even though I suspect the majority of wealthy people actually can't stand high art either, especially all that Opera they're supposed to always be watching.
Of course, I reject this cultural instinct because I know it is irrational.  High and low are pretty mixed concepts these days (if you accept the concept at all) and access to work is greater than ever.  Attendance to art galleries rocketed up when free entrance was introduced, and though the numbers of the poor did not go up as much as the middle classes, they did increase and that is a start.  It takes time for interest in free art to achieve currency (free stuff is inherently untrustworthy) and I don't think we've actually been very good at appealing art to anyone outside the middle class bracket until fairly recently, the last decade or two, so real change will take time.  Or not.  Perhaps the poor are just not worth the effort.  Perhaps we should just cull them now; if they don't want our ballet then they're obviously sub-human.
Also, these institutions of art are middle class in their appeal and inherently hard work.  Our more wired in society wants art that fits around them, not the institution.  I take in a lot about culture from the internet, vicariously I admit, primarily because I live in the middle of nowhere.  But there are people who prefer that because that's how they like to see art.  Taking in beauty without a numb bum or tired legs or the extra effort that the physicality of some arts institutions have to impose because they are solid.  This doesn't, however, negate the importance of these institutions, because they are the loadstone's to culture, they are the hubs around which the virtual editions orbit.
There is also a deleterious argument here about money, looking at all things in terms of money.  Now, a body like the Arts Council must be able to justify itself to the government, to appear to give value for money, because this is how everything is justified to the tax payer, fair do's.  However, if you only look at the money then you are missing to point about art.  Same point applies to issues of access.
Arts subsidy is about balancing out the ecology of art - maintaining standards in the non-commercial sector, training artists and giving opportunities for artistic risk which the commercial sector will not uphold.  Now, the commercial sector will, therefore, benefit from the training this gives for those people who cross between the two (i.e. basically most artists, and by proxy, all) and the commercial sector is then free to use this talent to cater to the mass audience that the subsidised sector doesn't.  They can go for mass appeal, producing work that is openly populist and, if necessary, catering to the lowest common denominator.  This isn't an attack on the lowest common denominator, the language is loaded but it isn't, people WANT art that is easy as well as hard.  The poor, having by definition less money, do not gamble their money on high art that will be a. hard work, b. not guaranteed to be any good and c. which there is a risk they might not get it (even though, being human, they probably would - but perhaps we should cull the stupid with the poor while we're at it?).  The poor, needing to invest their money wisely on a relatively guaranteed good night out, will go to a pop concert, a musical, something on ice - because it's easy and after a long day it is an escape.
That isn't to say that sometimes they will not go to high art, but it's an occasional gamble, not a way of life.  We of the comfortably off (and I should add I'm not actually comfortably off, I'm just from a family of comfortably off, comfortably off by proxy) will take that gamble more often because we can and because we can it has become a habit.  So the issue here isn't access, it's about a habit of art.
AND THIS is I think where Will Gompertz was going with his argument.  We should be looking at ways to subsidise audiences as well as artists - or subsidise audiences to help generate revenue for artists.  And in principle I totally agree.  This has worked for art galleries (though there is still a LONG way to go) but for my sphere of work, the theatre, it isn't particularly practical.  Unless we develop and Orwellian strategy to get everyone who books a ticket to bring their tax return and see how much of their ticket is to be subsidised by the tax payer, I don't see how you could implement it.
And artists should be engaged not just with what they want to do, but also with what their audiences want.  Okay, in todays marketplace audiences are fragmented, we choose who we sell our work to, but to only pick the middle class intelligencia all the time is a dangerous law of diminishing returns.  You don't have to compromise on the work either, for once you have an audience in the room so long as the work is good they will tend to go with it.  (Though this isn't an invitation to lie in your publicity.)  So, whilst you could argue my show The Fantasy Terrorist Variations is ultimately aimed at middle class types (I hope not, but it will mostly appeal there we think, though it is accessable to everyone) my show Ghost Storyteller is aimed at everyone.  It has a clear title and clear messages - i.e. it's a bit funny.  Now, this should bring in a broader audience, perhaps even a less middle class audience - but that doesn't mean the show itself compromises for a second in its form or aims.  You can do both.

And while we're on the subject of the show... Go on - book tickets NOW!  Here, click HERE, to get them.


Milk Bottle Productions Presents...
Ghost Storyteller
Comic Ghost Stories Written and Performed by Robert Crighton

Returning this Autumn / Winter following the success of the run last year!  Ghost Storyteller is a lightly comic selection of ghost stories written and performed by award-winning writer and performer Robert Crighton. 
From the ghosts of empty houses, to the personal ghosts we carry around us, this collection is a mixture of the fantastic and the “real”: including the tale of a poltergeist hamster and the pub that cried ghost.

Running Tuesday to Sunday from 27th November 2012 to 6th January 2013
Tuesdays to Saturdays at 7.30pm – Doors Open at 7.15pm
Sundays at 6pm – Doors Open at 5.45pm
No performances on Mondays, Christmas Day, Boxing Day or New Years Day
Tickets: £12 / £10 concessions
Barons Court Theatre, “The Curtain’s Up”, 28A Comeragh Road W14 9HR
Nearest Tube:  Barons Court (Piccadilly/District Lines)

Box Office:  0844 8700 887
(Telephone box office hours 9.00am – 7.00pm Mondays –Fridays (excluding Bank Holidays) and 9.00am – 5.00pm on Saturdays.)