Advent Calendar Day 22

After a torrid production process the Museum of Tat 2017 Christmas Special is finally done. The principle recording was delayed by a week and then the moment it was done I fell ill and had to battle through to get it done just fortnight later than originally planned.

But here it finally is, and there's some good stuff in there from Colin - aka Michael Fouldes.

Special thanks to the extra voice contributors who were randomly grabbed from the bar at the Quay Theatre to sing the worst carol ever.
I should also mention, there will be more new audio from the Museum of Tat next year.  And some of it is beautifully wrong.

Anyway, open today's door - the Museum is open once again!
Merry Christmas to everyone at home.

Advent Calendar Day 21

Open the door on the calendar and...

It's part eleven - the penultimate part of...

Attack of the Christmas Squirrels!

The story of what happens when one man's hatred of early Christmas advertising meets his secret squirrel training project.

All episodes will be released on my patron page - but because it is Christmas you'll be able to listen without pledging anything.  Though while you're there...

Listen to the latest Episode HERE!

Go back to Episode One HERE and Episode Two HERE and Episode Three HERE and Episode Four HERE! and Episode Five HERE! and Episode Six HERE! and Episode Seven HERE! and Episode Eight HERE! and Episode Nine HERE! and Episode Ten HERE!

And incidentally...

Merry Christmas to Everyone At Home!

Advent Calendar Day 16

It's so close to Christmas that creating stuff like this is almost completely pointless - which makes it feel all the more important.
To celebrate the fact that I haven't released a new episode today - here's a whole selection of things in the Attack of the Christmas Squirrels gift shop.  It's HERE!

And here are a few of the actually rather fun bits and bobs available. Very little time to order anything before Christmas though. Sorry.

Advent Calendar Day 3

And inside today's door is...

A very important Christmas appeal.

Okay, I'll be honest with you - this isn't new.
I'm having computer problems and I've pre-scheduled this post to go out if I don't get my machine back from the shop before I finish the better thing for today. So, if you're reading this, sorry for the repeat - though I did do a new graphic for the front. So, it's not all old.  (NB: A new urgent Christmas Appeal will go out tomorrow!)

Merry Christmas!

The Museum of Tat Christmas Special

The Museum of Tat Christmas Special has gone online - enjoy!


My work couldn't happen without the support of my patrons - if you think you could contribute to the work I create, go to www.patreon.com/robertcrighton and see if you can help.

Also, as there's a lot being planned at the moment, if you want to keep up to speed, why not join my mailing list.  I know, so last century. 

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Moomin Magic

I'm taking a short break from writing to write this. A busmans holiday of sorts.  The Paper Moon Trolls is finally pulling itself into shape, so a brief digression is allowed.
I mentioned the Moomins last blog post and I feel it's important to share a little about them.  I rediscovered them recently, having only vaguely had them on my radar when younger.  But I always liked them and I read them in a very specific way.  Normally I plough through a book.  I don't hang around, I'm a fast reader.  But I don't and daren't do this with the Moomin books.  This is partly because they aren't very long and there aren't many, but it's mostly that I like to nibble at them, like chocolate, a bit at a time.  The books do something very particular to my brain - it's difficult to describe.  A sort of numbed, peaceful, melancholic drift - which only a few other things manage to do.  It's like a magic spell and I read them, often just a chapter at a time, to keep that spell alive because I fear that if I read them again too soon, I will lose that magic feeling.  I suspect that this is the kind of spell that a magician like Tove Jansson would only allow to be weaved once - leaving us only with the melancholy.
Sadly, I'm running out of Moomin to read.  I'm currently re-reading Moominland Midwinter and I there aren't many left.  I think I'll be able to string them out for another couple of years - and then we'll see if the magic spell is lost.
Right, back to work, otherwise the Groke might come and sit on me.

Let There Be Light

Funny thing happened the other day.  I was in town, doing Panto stuff, having a blood test, drinking coffee.  The usual.  And I get home to a message.  Which I didn't believe was true.  I was being asked to turn on the Christmas lights in my town.  I assumed this was a joke.  But no, there was the number, there was the message and after a little phoning/emailing back and forth, yes, I was booked to blow the hooter that cued the activation of the magic light strings.
I've just got home from this little task.  It was slightly delayed by an accident with Father Christmas' sleigh (worry not children, Santa was fine) but due to the late arrival of the bouncy castle there was no PA system in place (don't ask) and I had to bellow my little speech to the crowd.  And then Father Christmas counted down from 10 and I blew my hooter and (thankfully) the lights all came on and Christmas was saved for another year.
But that wasn't the exciting part of the evening.  I then went to B&Q in search of a dustbin lid, which I need for the Panto I'm directing.  But I didn't need a bin, just the lid.  Which was lucky, because they didn't have any bins, only lids.  But there was no price for the lid, just for the bins.  So I asked really nicely for a good deal and they sold me the lid on its own for a rock bottom price and I went to get some chips.
So, thank you the lovely staff of B&Q (Sudbury) - you've saved Christmas.

[If you have any feelings of confusion about the content of this blog post or have suffered any emotional distress at its contents, please find a towel and wrap it round your head.  It won't help, but at least you won't have to read these words any longer. Ed.]

The Milk Bottle March Newsletter

For all those not on the mailing list, here's the latest news.  For those a little confused, we didn't do a mail out February, it was a little too full on following the London run and the late January news.  There's only so much information to put out.


The Milk Bottle March 2012 Newsletter: Gathering Forces

Auditions & Lectures

AUDITIONS:
For those who live in Suffolk there's a chance to get involved in Robert's community production of The Passion.  Open auditions are being held on Wednesday 14th March at 7.30pm at the Quay Theatre (see blog post for details).  It's the last big show he's doing in Suffolk as he's slowly withdrawing from exile.  If you see this after the auditions don't panic, there may still be room for you to join the chorus and be a part of this epic production.  Don't hesitate to get in touch - contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

LECTURE (Not):
Robert is putting the finishing touches to the first new story for the London run at Christmas and will be trying it out in The Guildhall, Lavenham on Friday 18th May at 7.30pm.  Titled The Shakespeare Delusion it is a comic tale poking fun at the excesses of Shakespearean scholars and those who deny he wrote the plays at all.  Tickets will be on sale in the Guildhall at the end of the month - but you can put your name down for tickets now by emailing us at contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk and giving us your name, number of tickets and a telephone number.  NB:  Last years show sold out, so book now to avoid disappointment.

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

The World Premiere of...

The Shakespeare Delusion

Written and Performed by Robert Crighton

Professor Ashborn invites you to share in his latest discoveries and lead you through the terrible secrets behind the man people call Shakespeare.  Using recently uncovered documentation Professor Ashborn can finally tell the true and completely true, truly true, utterly true, true story of the Shakespeare delusion! 

NB:  For those with an irony deficiency, this is a spoof.

Performing on Friday 18^th May at 7.30pm

The Lavenham Guildhall, The Market Square, Lavenham

Tickets £8, available from the Guildhall from April. 

To reserve your tickets in advance email: contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk 

That's all for the moment, Milk Bottle is largely resting, plotting and waiting for the Olympics to disappear, when we will raise our head above the parapet once again.

Open Your Notebooks!

It's been a fragmented week, but I have made a start on the new stories for 2012.
This is how I started these stories and generally start most plays.

1. I create a crisp new document on my computer and type out the title and that it's by me, in case I forget.  In this case: The Shakespeare Delusion. (Which I've also got round to drafting a poster for - for the tryout anyway - see right - tickets on sale soon.)
2. I dig out my notebooks from the last year or so and look out the notes I made on this particular story.
3. As I type up each section I place it in the approximate area of the story so that the bits go in order, followed by general notes of thoughts, feelings and ideas for the story at the end of the document.
4. If I'm in a good mood I expand on these gobbits of text as I go along, adding detail, chasing any logical thoughts and ideas that come to me as I work.
5.  This process is done spasmodically over a day or two, by the end of which I have got all the ideas for the piece on one document, the key scenes/sections written up and a word count of somewhere between 500 and 1000 words.  This is always reassuring as it means I've got something to show for myself and before I've even started to do something anyone could call work.
6.  Now I go through my notes and discard files for any non-specific dialogue, joke, idea or just damn fine bit of prose that hasn't been homed in any other stories/plays.  These sit at the end of the file for me to look at during each writing session to give my brain to chance to weave them in naturally.  If I can't do this they get passed onto the next project.
7.  I'm usually juggling writing projects at this stage so I move onto story two, in this case Attack of the Christmas Squirrels and repeat this process, with the odd cut and paste for step 6.
8.  While I'm doing all this notebook transcribing I dig out the text of a play Complicated Pleasures that I've been toiling on and add a few notes I've made since last looking at it.  Amazed to find the word count already over 13,000 words and could be well onto the road of the first draft if I pull my finger out.
9.  I then write a blog about writing stuff.

That's us up to date I think.
Both The Shakespeare Delusion and Attack of the Christmas Squirrels will be shows that need to run at some 10 to 12,000 words each and have separate deadlines and outlines.  The Shakespeare Delusion is a single monologue told by one Professor L. Ashborn, whose account of an alternative history of Shakespeare is hijacked by the fact he is completely doolally.  He knows he is hallucinating, he knows the world he sees doesn't match our own, but he carries on regardless - which would account for a fair amount of Shakespearean scholarship in certain climbs.  This is the first character driven monologue of length that I've written since Fantasy Terrorist League (c. 2005) and Keynote Speaker (c. 2009) and it's rather nice to create a voice and person, as opposed to standing as an anonymous storyteller.  I have only written the character parts so far, the testimony of this man's researches and the strange journey he is taken on.  I will start on the 'factual' part of his lecture next - I did start writing a spoof Shakespeare lecture a few years ago but have yet to find the notes on it - frankly, the difficultly in spoofing theories about Shakespeare is that the spoof element is driven out by the number of crazy theories people believe anyway.  Hence the accent on character rather than on the lecture itself.
Observant people will have noticed that I have used the name Ashborn before.  Several times.  He was originally one Lord Ashborn, who I played as an occasional character whilst devising short plays at Sixth Form with my good friend David Aldous.  We did three twenty minute plays and finally launched Milk Bottle Productions together with our first full length play Lord Ashborn: Life, Death and the Pursuit of Cotton Buds.  I'm very fond of it, despite being a piece of juvenilia, and I'm tempted, one day, to have a crack at rewriting it.  I probably won't.  Professor L. Ashborn isn't going to be the same character, though he may have a few nods here and there, but it felt right to give the name at least another outing.
The Shakespeare Delusion will be written for a tryout in May, performing in Lavenham on Friday 18th May, so is the priority piece at present.  It will then be worked on over the year for performance at the Christmas Festival at Barons Court.  Those who orbit Suffolk can reserve tickets for the tryout now via email (below) prior to tickets being released in March, just send a name and the number of tickets (it sold out and then some last time, so be quick) and you'll be at the front of the queue.
Attack of the Christmas Squirrels is going to be quite different.  It may have a rough tryout in the autumn, but I might give it a different title to avoid the unseasonal date.  I don't intend to perform the show myself, but have a team of storytellers for the London run.  I might do the opening five minutes, just to keep me off the streets, but no more - I have other irons in the fire performance wise - largely with Nicholas Nickleby.  Squirrels is going to be made of five or so interlocking / overlapping stories.  Each covers a different character (probably), each leads to the final act of the story (hopefully).  I'll be opening auditions for this and other parts and activities for the Christmas Festival later this year.  Again, if you're interested in being involved it won't do you any harm if you send your CV, pictures, show reel, link to website, huge bribe to contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk anytime in the next few months.  Full details will follow later.