The Christmas Schedule - Free Audio

This Christmas I'll be presenting a short burst of audio storytelling and drama - each audio burst will be published online sometime after midday (GMT) as per the schedule below.  All pieces will be on my audioboom feed - or on the homepage of my microsite which can be found here.

Christmas Eve: The Ballad of Gentleman Jim
A coda to Lost Tribe of the Trolls - this is the story of the rise and fall of Gentleman Jim, a mysterious character whose origins didn't quite make it into the text.

listen to ‘The Ballad of Gentleman Jim - Part One’ on audioBoom

listen to ‘The Ballad of Gentleman Jim - Part Two’ on audioBoom

Christmas Day*:  Fantasy Terrorist Variation 5: A Little Learning
[*Delayed - due to editing problems - i.e. lot's a background noise I can't get rid of... sorry.]
A one-off short drama from my series of pieces exploring the fall out of the war on terror, which I started nearly ten years ago.  This is the story of a young girl kidnapped because she was receiving an education - lest we forget on Christmas Day those trapped in the wars, ideological and physical, that are occurring across the globe.

Boxing Day:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 1: No Introduction

27th December:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 2: An Unofficial Official Meeting with an Unofficial Official.

28th December:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 3:  In the Asylum

29th December:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 4:  A Conversation of Memes

30th December:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 5:  Peter Git in Conference

31st December:  The Paper Moon Trolls - Part 6:  The Death of Peter Git

And then in the evening of the 31st December I'll be performing my End of the Road Show at the Quay Theatre from 10pm till Midnight - to celebrate the end of my artist residency of 2014 and announce my plans for next year in some level of fullness.

The Trology So Far

If I was a pretentious wanker (which it is impossible for me to know as pretentiousness tends to blinker self awareness) I would say writing The Trolls Trilogy is akin to the work of Dickens.  And mean it.  Naturally it is nothing like Dickens at all, except in that I'm writing it in installments.  So, there is some similarity to my working methods to Dickens.  We both have had to sit down and work out a story in bits.  To broadly plan out the story in chunks and then deliver them in at regular intervals.  This is both an excellent way of working and a nightmare.
Pros:  You have a regular schedule of work - a regular deadline that forces you to get your arse in a chair and write.
You have a good tight word limit per section - forcing you to think about every word carefully.
Cons:  It is hard to keep your eye on the complete story, focusing more on the individual episodes.
You have to keep creating end points for every three minutes (400/500 words) of action.
Dickens, it has been noted, often ended up creating dead ends in his novels because one week, amusing as it might have been, didn't really add to the whole when produced as a novel.  Luckily I don't have that trouble, because the number of words I'm using are considerably fewer.  I don't have the words to go on too much of a tangent.  In fact, I've already cheated by releasing two episodes on the first day as I'd just run out of room.  This may happen again.
The first story (The Natural History of Trolls) is online now.  The second story (Lost Tribe of the Trolls) is about six weeks in and so I've finish the prologue.  Tomorrow I release the first episode of the story proper - where you'll meet Robert, who's remarkably similar to me.  Just not.  The prologue is a bit sad and sweet, the main story is more comic and action orientated, so features a very shiny bust.  On the flip side, it is also a serious story about war.  If there is a theme running through Lost Tribe it's about the balance between glorifying and commemorating war - which is appropriate for this centeniary year of the First World War.  In the first Troll story we touched on the First World War, in this second we're looking at all wars from the Crimean onwards - the prologue is set in the Second World War.  Tomorrows episode starts on Remembrance Sunday and starts with medals - and it is where the story will eventually end.
So, if you've missed out so far it's all still online.  Over a thousand people have listened so far - join the throng.
Here's the complete first story The Natural History of Trolls

And here's the second story - which at time of posting covers the prologue.  Enjoy.

The Unexpected Early Arrival of Squirrels

One of the projects for Project 10/52 is my private home show - Attack of the Christmas Squirrels.  I'd intended to launch this show in July, making it project seven, I think.  However, I've been rather busy with home shows and other private gigs this month and so I've brought the first performance forward.  By six months.  Eek.  As a squirrel might say.
A little background - I do storytelling, I do readings, I do a lot of telling people stuff to their faces.  It's fun.  I did one, readings of classic mysteries, the other day and everyone seemed very happy.  But I planned to create a special show to tour to peoples houses, not just any old material, something created for a house setting.  You would organise a party, fill your house with people and I'll appear to entertain you.  All you have to do for my payment is pass a hat round.  So, if you'd like to have a storyteller come and visit you, I'm on call - or I'd planned to be from July.
But, since I announced the plan people got in touch and wanted something now - which is lovely.  So I said, for now it would have to be an old show as I don't really have time etc.  And then I wrote Attack of the Christmas Squirrels six months early.  Yesterday.  I'm tweaking now.  And testing the show out on Friday.  Sooooo, if it works I'll put in some midnight oil, tighten it up and offer my services from March onwards.  You read right, the July show will be available in a little over a month.
Book an evening with me, get some friends round and I'll tell you some silly stories.  Just email me contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk or give me a call 07704 704 469.  So far this is on offer for the UK only, but I could be persuaded to travel quite far if possible.
And don't worry - if Attack of the Christmas Squirrels sounds like a Christmas show - it sooooo isn't.  It's about a chap called Reg who hates it that Christmas adverts come around earlier every year.  So, it's a sort of anti-Christmas show.
And it has squirrels in it.  Regulars on the blog will know that I have promised that this will be the last cute animal I will use in a story.  I've done cats, hamsters, badgers and various others.  So, no more animals.
Apart from Hang, which will feature a zebra.  And lots of animals.  Apart from that.
Eek!
P.S. Part Three of my online storytelling show Lost Tribe of the Trolls is available now! https://audioboo.fm/boos/1837513-lost-tribe-of-the-trolls-part-three

More New Audio Adventure - Lost Tribe of the Trolls

Happy New Year - and here we have the continuing adventures from The Trolls Trilogy - with the first episodes of the second story Lost Tribe of the Trolls.  For those who want to hear the first story The Natural History of Troll, it's available at the bottom of the page... if not there is a brief introduction to ease you into the basic premise at the start.  Enjoy!

The Obligatory New Year Message 2014

Firstly, HELLO RUSSIA, Hello America, hello uk...
Yes, they may have an appalling President, terrible human rights issues and a disgusting state attitude to human sexuality, but Russia is currently the country reading this blog the most.  Second comes America and then, occasionally, my home country comes third.  Sometimes we're beaten by Greece.  Or Latvia.  Come on guys, this is embarrassing.
Secondly, the hit rate on my blog has gone through the roof since I fell dangerously ill.  This might be because of world sympathy, this might be because I've started an exciting new phase of work, but it's more likely because I stopped posting things very often.  Then I looked at the data and found, silly me, it's because even more of you are looking for porn.  Nice to know porn for porn outreach has travelled so far.  Obviously a lot of Russians are vigorously jerking off until they reach my blog and lose their rhythm.  Sorry.
So here's a run down of some of my favourite (largely non porn) internet searches this year that have lead people to my blog.

the room of trolls
couple having sex in nottingham (very specific, is there a local landmark in shot?)
dormouse slovenia
understanding beards
tinkerbells lines and speeches
and my personal favourite...
evil bagpuss

2014 is a year of many things. Ten projects await - the first part of Project One has just been posted (see below) and you just need to look at my last post to see how to get involved with Project.  But it is also the year that I have been transformed.  Yes, I realise now that my illness was in fact a symptom of my metamorphosis.  I have become... a genre.
Many of you will have suspected it for sometime, many of you have listened to my wittering on at a party say and thought to yourself, he's a whole new genre.  Or a cock.  One of the two.
It has been proven by the Quay Theatre, where I am Artist in Residence, whose What's On doesn't list me as drama or music or film or lecture, I am listed as Robert Crighton.  I am a medium in my own right!  Soon there will be special courses at University devoted to the Robert Crighton genre - there will be various schools of Robert Crighton with competing ideologies as to how a work in Robert Crighton should work, there will be children telling their parents that one day they to will work in Robert Crighton.
It's that or the What's On was compiled by a moron.  One of the two.
And now, the promised first episodes of Project One - Lost Tribe of the Trolls.
Happy New Year!

Free Stories Online - A Troll New Year

It's that lovely period of silence between the hullabaloo of Christmas and New Year, when little trolls come out to play.  Over the next few days I will be uploading the complete audio book of The Natural History of Trolls (see blogs en passum) as a prelude to my first project of Project 10/52 - the next two stories of what is not The Trolls Trilogy... or trology, if you will.
In fact, I'm a day early, but we'll see.  Hopefully there should be four series of episodes released each day between the 28th and 31st December, so that you're all up to date when I start releasing the next story in weekly episodes every Wednesday - starting on the 1st January 2014.  So, here, hopefully, are all six episodes of the prologue of The Natural History of Trolls - and probably much much more.
Happy between Christmas/New Year!

#Nov 2014 - Audio streams for the stories can now be found at http://robertcrightonstoryteller.moonfruit.com/

Retreating

I've been a little quiet of late.  It's winter, it's cold, I'm comfortable, go away - can't you see there's snooker on?
I'm currently in retreat in Aberdeen, visiting family, and in theory writing.  I'm currently working on Project One - The Trolls Trilogy - or Trology if you will - and not exactly rushing.  As I say, it's cold outside and there's snooker on.
But, the deadline is looming, so I have to get something done now, or I won't be ready to record.  I'm working on the second part of the trilogy, Lost Tribe of the Trolls, which will start premiering on Wednesday 1st January 2014.  It's quite a task ordering the material into shape - for this is a piece controlled by it's structure.  It's being broadcast once a week for half the year, so that's twenty-six episodes - not only that, each episode needs to be only three minutes long, maximum - so that the final story orbits 75-80 minutes in length.
It's a matter of trying to create a straightforward narrative but also one that breaks into recognisable self contained chunks.  This is rather fun and very important - because the text will need to be turned into a live show at the end of 2014 and so must remain active.  What do I mean by this?  It has to move, have action, change of direction, because though a story it has to be a story told, something that has potential theatrically, as well as narratively.  So, condensed, engaging three minute chunks work well - and looking back at the basis of some of my more successful monologues.  Teaching Gods is similarly episodic (though closer to five minutes than three) and moves the action along by jumping between characters - as was, to an even greater degree, Cuckold's Fair.
I'm using the same story structure to the first part of the trology The Natural History of Trolls, in that there is a prologue, part one of the main story, an interlude, a part two of the main story and an epilogue.  So, the three minute episodes are similarly connected together in wider chunks of story.
So, what is Lost Tribe of the Trolls about?  Well, it all started when I was on the tube on Remembrance Sunday and I saw a woman, chest bristling with medals, sitting almost opposite me.  She was mute and relaxed until suddenly she realised she had lost something... and that set off a chain of thought in my mind.  What if she had lost a medal?  What if the medal she had lost wasn't a normal medal but something greater?  That each medal represented a war and captured the experiences of that war - that she was not ex-service, but a Recording Angel, collecting the memories of those who had survived the wars of the world.
It wasn't a hung leap to think this might connect well with the world of the Trolls I had created in The Natural History.  And she has lost the Crimean war.
To find it she calls on her adoptive family, who are the lost tribe of the title.  We assumed that the Trolls we encountered in the first story were the only ones - but another tribe have lived a different, parallel life.  These Trolls are not the quiet, semi-religious, victims of before; these Trolls have abandoned their past and become part of the modern world, they are wheeler dealing neoliberals and love the marketplace.  They are the Noble Guild of Trolls (Luton Branch) and they'll sell their grandmothers if it'll make a profit.

All this, as usual, is subject to much change - the plot has already shifted twice this week - so don't expect it to remain exactly the same.  Off to work.  Ta ta.

Return of the Trolls

Time to start giving you some details about what's coming up next year.  I've given you the broad outline, now for a little bit more.  The first project for Project 10/52 begins on New Year's Day 2014 and continues online for the whole year.  In fact, a bit of it will start in the fag end of 2013, but that's the old material, so it doesn't count.

The Trolls Trilogy
An Overview

It all started two years ago, when I decided to write a piece of storytelling over the course of a year.  I would vlog and blog about it, premiere it towards the end of the year and then do a run over Christmas.  And then I promptly killed that idea off by booking it into performance in July.  This was The Natural History of Trolls (NHT) - which appeared at the New Wimbledon Studio July 2011 and then in Suffolk and London again in late November the same year.  For full info on the 'journey' of the production of this show go to this blog post and work your way up forward in time, or watch the vlogs - the first one is here.
I've been coming back to this story every so often, as there seemed to be more directions to take it.  Slowly, two other stories came to me, mixed in with all the random material that didn't get used the first time.  So, in line with the original plan for NHT I thought it appropriate to write the next two stories over the course of a year, ending with a masterwork epic showdown in December.  Only this time the story will be 'broadcast' online in weekly installments - so you get to follow it as it goes along.

Part One: The Natural History of Trolls - revisited

Because a trilogy tends to work best in three parts and not everyone who might listen to the weekly show will have seen the first part, I'm going back to NHT and recording it for free online release this December.  That way everyone gets a chance to listen to the story from beginning to end.  However, this recording will only be in four episodes, not strung out over months, so a more involved listen.

I have made changes to NHT over the course of its life and the audio version will have a number of minor revisions.  I'm going to change a couple of names and slightly alter the way the second half works - but it will still be in essence the story of Bernard, Vicki and a mass chorus of orange penguins.

The Natural History of Trolls - the first part of The Trolls Trilogy - will be released online daily from the 28^th to 31^st December 2013 on my audioboo board, latest by 12pm each day.

Part Two: Lost Tribe of the Trolls
The first part was all about a rather buttoned up tribe of trolls, trolls with a Victorian view on life, who were trapped underground for much of the 20th Century.  This story (LTT) is all about the trolls that got away, about The Noble Guild of Trolls (Luton Branch) who adapted to the modern world and (to some degree) lost their souls.  In it a person called Robert (who's remarkably like me) is guided by a character currently known as the Recording Angel, who collects memories, specifically of war.
It's a story about how the old world changed into the present, about how we remember the past and how much that we think is new is just repackaged.

Part Three: The Paper Moon Trolls

I won't abbreviate the title of this show as (even with the late addition of a The) the acronym is most unfortunate - but it's such an apt title I won't change it.  This is the final chapter in the lives of the trolls, creatures who change at the will of others, who are effected physically by ideas.  The guide character in this story is Peter Git - a bio-engineer and theorist - who is trying to find a way of splicing troll and human DNA.  It's a story about ideas, about changing the world by changing the way you see it, and about what the dark side of the moon actually looks like.  It is also, as eagle eyed observers will have gathered, partly a homage to Peer Gynt.

So that's the outline of Project One - appearing on a laptop near you.  This project is the opening and close of Project 10/52 in that the final live performance of the trilogy will mark the end of the season.  It'll be a big performance and a closing party, hopefully with food and drink and laughter and thought.  I have a feeling I might be quite tired by the end of it all.

In the Residence...

Right, the cat's out of the bag.  I'm an Artist in Residence.  The Artist in Residence at the Quay Theatre.  I'm residing.  Making art.  At a theatre.

Right.

It's just, and this is the odd thing, I've actually started making less art, not more.  This is a glitch.  This will change.  But there's been so much planning and general work getting this far, that I have tended to forget that I should really sit down and do something theatrical.  Create something, write something - you know the thing.

I'm getting going on re-rehearsing The Summoning of Everyman and starting on the storytelling event The Storyteller Will See You Now which I'm doing in the Quay Bar next month.  But these are not the main event, as it were.  They are shows I've done before.  I'm not creating these from scratch and I've got ten shows to pull together for next year - twelve if you break Project One: The Trolls Trilogy down into three.  Which I'm not.  Cos that would be scary.
I am aware that I'm mostly concerned at the moment with fundraising.  The above shows are fundraisers, I'm sending emails and press releases to raise awareness and cash - these are necessary things if next year is to be anything like it could be.  Even this blog post is, by talking about these things, part of the general HELP-fund-me blob that is my life at the moment.  And that's fine, because I'll either get the money, or I won't.  The art will continue, just much, much smaller.
But, today I sat down and wrote words.  Today, I got in the zone.  Today, I insisted that to forget the whole art thing is rather a betrayal of the whole art thing.  And Artists in Residence don't do that sort of thing.

So there.

And what did I write?  A scene, the draft of an episode for Project One: The Trolls Trilogy, from part two, Lost Tribe of the Trolls.  An encounter between the Recording Angel and Robert, someone who's remarkably like me.  This episode will be released probably around May next year.  I then made some general notes about part three, The Paper Moon Trolls, which you won't hear till the latter part of 2014.  I'll go over this first project in detail on this blog next week.  Or you can visit the Trolls page of the Project 10/52 website here...
And if you want to hear it, see it, be involved in it and other projects of mine, then click on this link and be a contributor.

Yup, back on the money.  Epic fail.

Coming Soon - The Natural History of Trolls as an Audiobook

listen to ‘The Natural History of Trolls - Trailer’ on Audioboo

Underground, Overground...

The Natural History of Trolls is largely set in a disused Underground Station, King William Street.  For the purposes of the story I ignored the true history of the site in the 20th Century, focusing on real history only for the early building and decommissioning of the station.  The tunnels couldn't be used as I suggest in the story, and they are in no way fit to handle the action of the tale.  However, I loved the early history of the station and couldn't resist allowing a train to stop at the platform today (physically impossible for oh so many reasons).  There are other disused stations where a request stop is more plausable - there are more suitable ghost stations about - but I wanted the story set in that part of the Northern Line and so I ignored the rather sad alterations to the station during World War Two and other obvious problems reality causes. 
I have no problem with these 'lies' as there are lots of ways I could explain them away, if I wanted to be pedantic.  But for those who want to see what King William Street looks like today, then do follow this rather excellent link - it's quite addictive.

http://www.abandonedstations.org.uk/King_William_Street_1.html

The Natural History of Trolls Programme

Most programmes for shows come in paper form.  Ours is no exception.  Though we also publish it online, in advance, for those who would like to come along.  Box Office is open - book your tickets now!

Tuesday 29^th November to Friday 23^rd December 2011

Tickets £12 / £10 concessions

Tuesday to Saturday starts at 7.30pm – doors open 7.15pm.  Sunday at 7pm, doors open 6.45pm.

Box Office: 020 8932 4747

Barons Court Theatre, “The Curtain’s Up”, 28A Comeragh Road W14

Nearest Tube:  Barons Court (Piccadilly/District Lines)

**************************

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

Robert Crighton:

STORYTELLER

The Natural History of Trolls

Written and Performed by Robert Crighton

Plus Special Guests: Georgina Blackledge & Sophie Morris-Sheppard
Three stories covering 150 years of history, two Queens, orange Penguins and the fairy kingdom.  Midst this is the story of an ordinary commute gone wrong, when a troll-like tramp on the Underground turns out to REALLY be a Troll.

At the Quay Theatre - Sunday 20th November 2011
At the Barons Court Theatre - Tuesday 29th November to Friday 23rd December 2011.
Running Time: Eighty minutes approximately without an interval.

THE CAST:    

Robert Crighton - Writer and Performer 

Robert Crighton is an award-winning storyteller, writer and performer, whose last big project was performing every Sherlock Holmes story back-to-back over the Christmas season.  He is only entrant in the 25 year history of the Lost One-Act Festival to win three awards in successive years and is sadly no longer eligible to win anymore.  With Milk Bottle he has produced a mix of work, from classical drama to new plays, swapping roles from production to production.  Recent productions include: Blind Spots, Shoes That Angels Fear To Wear, Cuckold’s Fair, Teaching Gods & Other Stories at the Barons Court Theatre.
For Video Blogs of the making of Storyteller go to TheRobertCrighton Channel on YouTube.

Georgina Blackledge - Performer
Having decided to swap a sterile theatre for a dusty one, Georgie has thrown herself head first into the acting world. Her most recent work includes 'Excess Deductible' with So It Goes Theatre and filming Emma Peel in ‘The Avengers Return’, of which a pilot series in is development with Gin and Tonic Productions. Other film work includes 'The Fiddler', Faith Productions; ‘Africa in her blood’, Nightpiece Media; ‘An act of loyalty’, Evergreen media; ‘Define Crazy’, Ravensbourne Films; ‘Two Birds One Stone’, JAM films; ‘The Cabinet’, Mad Ninja Films. Theatre includes ‘Noises Off’, The Company and ‘The Rover’, The Company. After stumbling upon the audition, Georgie is extremely excited to be making her return to 'Trolls'. 

Sophie Morris-Sheppard - Performer
Sophie has recently finished filming a short film.  She has made many appearances as part of the Play to Stage new writing initiative at The Jackson Lane Theatre which is where she originally met Robert Crighton - and subsequently became involved in this Milk Bottle Production.  Sophie originally attended the Oxford School of Drama. Her first job was as an ASM at Southwold Summer Theatre for Jill Freud.  She went from here to work on several productions at the Kings Head, the Old Fire Station, Oxford, The Wolsey, Ipswich, The Duke of York’s Theatre and The Haymarket Theatre, London.  She has had a variety of supporting roles on both TV and film and has appeared in many commercials, as well as doing intermittent voiceover work.
Stints as a milliner and assisting making theatrical costumes, amongst many other things, have kept her busy in between acting.
 

To watch an interview with the Cast go to TheRobertCrighton Channel on YouTube - 'Meet the Cast'

AUTHORS NOTE:
At has been a long process writing and producing these stories.  Normally I work very quickly, producing a dozen or shows a year.  After the epic task of performing all the Sherlock Holmes stories last year, I decided to slow down and present the process of creating this years run online.  If you're interesting in finding out how this show came together check out my blog and my vlogs.  The blog covers the more... shall we say cerebral processes of writing a show, the vlogs (video blogs) are a little more... silly.   It wasn't all silliness - there are some telling moments in the vlogs mid April when the final drafts for Trolls were coming together that I didn't look my best.
I hope you enjoy tonight's story and come again in the future for more.  To join our mailing list and be kept up to date with future shows just email us at contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk

THANK YOUS:
Milk Bottle would like to thank the people at the New Wimbledon Studio, the Lavenham Guildhall, the Angel Pub in Glemsford, the Billericay Arts Centre, The Quay Theatre (Nicki and Joe) and Barons Court Theatre (Ron and Chris) for their assistance.  We'd also like to thank our occasional photographers this year Holly Nicoll and Matthew Vile and our website designer Keith Atkinson. 
We'd also like to thank the original company at the New Wimbledon production - sorry we couldn't take you
along for the whole ride:  Charlotte Hunter, Philippa Tatham, Simon Nader, Jessica Moore, Emma Burn, Sally Gilfillan, Ailsa Ilott, Richard Ward, Sophie Carmichael, Denys Gaskill, Jessica Tobert, Josie Bloom, Kate Steel, Matthew Harrison-James, Elizabeth Jee, Jamie Addlet, Gillian Horgan, Elizabeth Quinn, Elizabeth
Nicholson, Colin Emerson & Pamela Flanagan. 
And, of course, we must thank the Imaginary Duck and Bagpuss for all they have done for the company.

To keep up to date with Milk Bottle join our mailing list – just email: contact@milkbottleproductions.co.uk
Or... Follow Robert Crighton: Storyteller on Twitter or Milk Bottle Productions on Facebook
Crighton Channel on YouTube
Or... Subscribe to the Robert Crighton: Storyteller blog - http://robertcrightonstoryteller.blogspot.com
Or... Keep checking our website: www.milkbottleproductions.co.uk
Or... Nope, run out of ors.  As the pander said to the Bishop.  We’ll stop now.

Production Photos taken at the Quay Theatre, Sunday 20th November 2011.

Robert Crighton with Georgina Blackledge

Georgina Blackledge

Sophie Morris-Sheppard with Georgina Blackledge

The Cast - Left to Right: Sophie Morris-Sheppard, Georgina Blackledge & Robert Crighton