How Rude?

I'm in the process of recording Cuckold's Fair - it's the longest audio I've done in one block since a very rushed version of The Natural History of Trolls that I recorded in 2013.  In the mundane world of practical things it means I'm rejigging my recording set up so that it's less actively uncomfortable, but in the artistic sphere it raises another issue.
Cuckold's Fair is very rude.  Deliberately.  It uses naughty words.
In a theatre this is fine, because you pay your money and you take your chances - but for something that goes out online... where filters are a little less... active... what is the right thing to do?

How rude do I make the online version?

I will almost certainly create a paywall version that will be as rude as I like - and let's be fair, it's only actively obscene once - but how do I deal with the text?  Do I rewrite?  Do I bleep/fadeout/add birdsong?  That might be even weirder.
What do you think internet?

In the meantime, here's the latest audio - a short little story from 2011.  There maybe a short out next week to bridge the gap before the epic Cuckold week, but I won't promise that.

Countdown to the Other Side - available on YouTube or on this player.


Cuckold's Fair will be released daily from 13th to 18th February online, earlier for my patrons.

My work couldn't happen without the support of my patrons - if you think you could contribute to the work I create, go to www.patreon.com/robertcrighton and see if you can help - you get to listen to my new work before anyone else.

Also, as there's a lot being planned at the moment, if you want to keep up to speed, why not join my mailing list.  I know, so last century. 

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What Patreon?

Hang, one of the releases coming soon thanks to Patreon

So, you've read the earlier posts, you know I want your pledges in return for audio... but what audio?
Well, I'm glad you asked that question.

I don't want to post a SCHEDULE.  Partly because I always miss the deadline by a day or two, or rush, or generally demoralise myself looking at one.  Also, it's an open ended thing, so how far ahead should I go?  How much you'll get each month will vary, some months might be a bit quiet, some you'll get something almost every DAY, but what I can promise you will get is randomness.  No two things will be the same.  So, here's a list of the kind of month you MIGHT see.

Firstly, each week you might get some shorts - something along the lines of Hear If be Knews, which spoofs headlines of the day/any day.  These might come almost daily if I'm in the mood.

Then, you might get once a month a random audio essay.  It might be cheeky, rude, and discuss very seriously a very unimportant subject.  See my essay on the word Muff.

If we call the above the bread and butter stuff, now the meat and two veg.  This might come in the shape of a radio play like Historic Crimes, which is a full length cast play.  Or it might be a short radio series, like The Museum of Tat, which is episodically short, but as a series lasts over an hour.
Or, final option, there might be an audiobook/performance of some of my back catalogue of stories, like The Natural History of Trolls (which I'm going to re-record and upgrade at some point!)
Among all this content there will be the odd bit of medieval drama as part of the Before Shakespeare project.

For this first month you're getting my first ever documentary, Wartime Memories, which follows reminiscences, recently discovered, of a veteran of the First World War - see below - and sometime in April I will release a re-edit of the hugely popular comedy, Hang, which we recorded in front of a live studio audience in 2014.

So, please, this weekend, pledge something to my Patreon launch, from only $1 or more... (the interface is American, so it's all dollars, but I'm sure the pledge will come out in pounds... unless you're American... I'll stop now.)

Two down, one to go...

At last, I have posted the final episode of Lost Tribe of the Trolls - which means I'm two thirds of the way through my trilogy.  The final story is The Paper Moon Trolls - which thanks to upgrades on audioboo, can now be released in longer episodes, will be in six to eight parts, released every couple of weeks or so across the year - the final episode on Wednesday 31st December to mark the end of my artist residency at the Quay Theatre.  So, if you've missed out on the story so far then have a listen on the players below.
Enjoy.

Part One:  The Natural History of Trolls

Part Two:  Lost Tribe of the Trolls

Charge! Or Not.

It's a busy day today - with The Juliet Inquiry tomorrow, but also with writing tomorrows episode of The Trolls Trilogy.  It's getting there, but I've also reached one of those crunch moments where I need to decide the precise structure of the next few episodes as we approach climax.  As it were.
But that hasn't been my biggest concern as in the last few weeks I've found myself caught in a trap of my own making.  I've set part of the story in the middle of the Crimean War.  This was established early in the story.  Sadly, the Crimean peninsula has got a bit hot over the last month and writing a section of the story set there (albeit in the fairly distant past) feels a bit wrong.  However, no one has complained and it's far too late to change now.  So, hopefully there won't be a world war and no one will notice.
Next episode tomorrow - but if you want to catch up then have a listen below.

THE TROLLS TRILOGY
PART ONE: The Natural History of Trolls

PART TWO: Lost Tribe of the Trolls

The Cast of Hang

With a little over a week to go, some news on the lovely cast of Hang.  It obviously includes me, but that's a given, but also these two talented actresses.

Pamela Flanagan

Pamela hails from Dublin and came to London to attend the Academy Drama School. Since graduating she has toured extensively through the UK and Europe. Theatre roles include: Landlady in Two, Octavia in Anthony and Cleopatra, Nancy in Dance Hall Days and Pegeen Mike in The Playboy of the Western World. She previously worked with Milk Bottle Productions on The Natural History of Trolls. 
http://www.spotlight.com/4857-8979-9879

Of course, that's just the official stuff.  I first consciously met the delightful Pamela backstage at a production I had a little finger of involvement in a few years back, The Revengers.  As it happens I had probably met her before at a production of Othello I'd been in, which she recently reminded me she had seen.  But we first worked together on The Natural History of Trolls - Pamela being one of the principle voices who did all of the shows at the New Wimbledon Studio.  In fact, due to her ability to say the word 'fuzzy' in a particularly amusing way, I rewrote the script slightly in her honour.  Pamela will be principally playing the part of Amanda, who has a difficult relationship with her tusks.

Gillian Horgan

Gillian Horgan is from Cork, and trained at Drama Studio London. Theatre credits include: “The Inner Life of Veronika Zabenko”, "The Natural History of Trolls” at the New Wimbledon Studio, “No Dogs” at the White Bear, “Susanna” at Theatro Technis, "Tilt" at the Cockpit Theatre, "Famine" at the Old Red Lion, and "Monsieur Venus" at the Theatre Royal Haymarket. Screen credits include: “Wounded”, "Three", “Forget-Me-Not”, “Camden Calling”, "Verge", "Black Coffee" and "The Boat That Rocked".
www.spotlight.com/0453-5640-3265

The fabulous Gillian is another survivor of The Natural History of Trolls from its original production at the New Wimbledon Studio.  Gillian will be playing a number of roles, including a media spin doctor, trying to spin the end of civilisation as we know it.  In a piece of worthless trivia, Gillian is responsible for bringing to my attention one of the odder search items that anyone has typed into google to then discover my blog.  Having come from Cork and acted in a show called No Dogs, some poor soul who typed '1 day old dogs in cork' came whizzing to my cast blog post for a show about orange penguins.  Could be worse, one ex-cast member of that same production shares their name with a performer of hard-core pornography.

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...
HANG
World Premiere of a New Comedy by Robert Crighton

The world is turning inside out - people are starting to turn into animals and no one knows what's normal anymore.  Even the man who actually wants to be a zebra can't quite fit into this brave new world.  Dating is complicated enough when everyone's human.

Performing as a radio comedy before a live audience and broadcasting online as a live stream.
To listen to the Live Stream on the night go to
www.ustream.tv/channel/robert-crighton-storyteller

Watch the hilarious trailer for the show here.

Performing Live and Online on Monday 31st March at 7.30pm
Tickets: Pay What You Want
There are only twenty-five tickets available for this one-off show - so book now.  
The Quay Theatre, Quay Lane, Sudbury, CO10 2AN
Box Office: 01787 374 745 or online here.

The Trology So Far

If I was a pretentious wanker (which it is impossible for me to know as pretentiousness tends to blinker self awareness) I would say writing The Trolls Trilogy is akin to the work of Dickens.  And mean it.  Naturally it is nothing like Dickens at all, except in that I'm writing it in installments.  So, there is some similarity to my working methods to Dickens.  We both have had to sit down and work out a story in bits.  To broadly plan out the story in chunks and then deliver them in at regular intervals.  This is both an excellent way of working and a nightmare.
Pros:  You have a regular schedule of work - a regular deadline that forces you to get your arse in a chair and write.
You have a good tight word limit per section - forcing you to think about every word carefully.
Cons:  It is hard to keep your eye on the complete story, focusing more on the individual episodes.
You have to keep creating end points for every three minutes (400/500 words) of action.
Dickens, it has been noted, often ended up creating dead ends in his novels because one week, amusing as it might have been, didn't really add to the whole when produced as a novel.  Luckily I don't have that trouble, because the number of words I'm using are considerably fewer.  I don't have the words to go on too much of a tangent.  In fact, I've already cheated by releasing two episodes on the first day as I'd just run out of room.  This may happen again.
The first story (The Natural History of Trolls) is online now.  The second story (Lost Tribe of the Trolls) is about six weeks in and so I've finish the prologue.  Tomorrow I release the first episode of the story proper - where you'll meet Robert, who's remarkably similar to me.  Just not.  The prologue is a bit sad and sweet, the main story is more comic and action orientated, so features a very shiny bust.  On the flip side, it is also a serious story about war.  If there is a theme running through Lost Tribe it's about the balance between glorifying and commemorating war - which is appropriate for this centeniary year of the First World War.  In the first Troll story we touched on the First World War, in this second we're looking at all wars from the Crimean onwards - the prologue is set in the Second World War.  Tomorrows episode starts on Remembrance Sunday and starts with medals - and it is where the story will eventually end.
So, if you've missed out so far it's all still online.  Over a thousand people have listened so far - join the throng.
Here's the complete first story The Natural History of Trolls

And here's the second story - which at time of posting covers the prologue.  Enjoy.

More New Audio Adventure - Lost Tribe of the Trolls

Happy New Year - and here we have the continuing adventures from The Trolls Trilogy - with the first episodes of the second story Lost Tribe of the Trolls.  For those who want to hear the first story The Natural History of Troll, it's available at the bottom of the page... if not there is a brief introduction to ease you into the basic premise at the start.  Enjoy!

Free Stories Online - A Troll New Year

It's that lovely period of silence between the hullabaloo of Christmas and New Year, when little trolls come out to play.  Over the next few days I will be uploading the complete audio book of The Natural History of Trolls (see blogs en passum) as a prelude to my first project of Project 10/52 - the next two stories of what is not The Trolls Trilogy... or trology, if you will.
In fact, I'm a day early, but we'll see.  Hopefully there should be four series of episodes released each day between the 28th and 31st December, so that you're all up to date when I start releasing the next story in weekly episodes every Wednesday - starting on the 1st January 2014.  So, here, hopefully, are all six episodes of the prologue of The Natural History of Trolls - and probably much much more.
Happy between Christmas/New Year!

#Nov 2014 - Audio streams for the stories can now be found at http://robertcrightonstoryteller.moonfruit.com/

Retreating

I've been a little quiet of late.  It's winter, it's cold, I'm comfortable, go away - can't you see there's snooker on?
I'm currently in retreat in Aberdeen, visiting family, and in theory writing.  I'm currently working on Project One - The Trolls Trilogy - or Trology if you will - and not exactly rushing.  As I say, it's cold outside and there's snooker on.
But, the deadline is looming, so I have to get something done now, or I won't be ready to record.  I'm working on the second part of the trilogy, Lost Tribe of the Trolls, which will start premiering on Wednesday 1st January 2014.  It's quite a task ordering the material into shape - for this is a piece controlled by it's structure.  It's being broadcast once a week for half the year, so that's twenty-six episodes - not only that, each episode needs to be only three minutes long, maximum - so that the final story orbits 75-80 minutes in length.
It's a matter of trying to create a straightforward narrative but also one that breaks into recognisable self contained chunks.  This is rather fun and very important - because the text will need to be turned into a live show at the end of 2014 and so must remain active.  What do I mean by this?  It has to move, have action, change of direction, because though a story it has to be a story told, something that has potential theatrically, as well as narratively.  So, condensed, engaging three minute chunks work well - and looking back at the basis of some of my more successful monologues.  Teaching Gods is similarly episodic (though closer to five minutes than three) and moves the action along by jumping between characters - as was, to an even greater degree, Cuckold's Fair.
I'm using the same story structure to the first part of the trology The Natural History of Trolls, in that there is a prologue, part one of the main story, an interlude, a part two of the main story and an epilogue.  So, the three minute episodes are similarly connected together in wider chunks of story.
So, what is Lost Tribe of the Trolls about?  Well, it all started when I was on the tube on Remembrance Sunday and I saw a woman, chest bristling with medals, sitting almost opposite me.  She was mute and relaxed until suddenly she realised she had lost something... and that set off a chain of thought in my mind.  What if she had lost a medal?  What if the medal she had lost wasn't a normal medal but something greater?  That each medal represented a war and captured the experiences of that war - that she was not ex-service, but a Recording Angel, collecting the memories of those who had survived the wars of the world.
It wasn't a hung leap to think this might connect well with the world of the Trolls I had created in The Natural History.  And she has lost the Crimean war.
To find it she calls on her adoptive family, who are the lost tribe of the title.  We assumed that the Trolls we encountered in the first story were the only ones - but another tribe have lived a different, parallel life.  These Trolls are not the quiet, semi-religious, victims of before; these Trolls have abandoned their past and become part of the modern world, they are wheeler dealing neoliberals and love the marketplace.  They are the Noble Guild of Trolls (Luton Branch) and they'll sell their grandmothers if it'll make a profit.

All this, as usual, is subject to much change - the plot has already shifted twice this week - so don't expect it to remain exactly the same.  Off to work.  Ta ta.

Return of the Trolls

Time to start giving you some details about what's coming up next year.  I've given you the broad outline, now for a little bit more.  The first project for Project 10/52 begins on New Year's Day 2014 and continues online for the whole year.  In fact, a bit of it will start in the fag end of 2013, but that's the old material, so it doesn't count.

The Trolls Trilogy
An Overview

It all started two years ago, when I decided to write a piece of storytelling over the course of a year.  I would vlog and blog about it, premiere it towards the end of the year and then do a run over Christmas.  And then I promptly killed that idea off by booking it into performance in July.  This was The Natural History of Trolls (NHT) - which appeared at the New Wimbledon Studio July 2011 and then in Suffolk and London again in late November the same year.  For full info on the 'journey' of the production of this show go to this blog post and work your way up forward in time, or watch the vlogs - the first one is here.
I've been coming back to this story every so often, as there seemed to be more directions to take it.  Slowly, two other stories came to me, mixed in with all the random material that didn't get used the first time.  So, in line with the original plan for NHT I thought it appropriate to write the next two stories over the course of a year, ending with a masterwork epic showdown in December.  Only this time the story will be 'broadcast' online in weekly installments - so you get to follow it as it goes along.

Part One: The Natural History of Trolls - revisited

Because a trilogy tends to work best in three parts and not everyone who might listen to the weekly show will have seen the first part, I'm going back to NHT and recording it for free online release this December.  That way everyone gets a chance to listen to the story from beginning to end.  However, this recording will only be in four episodes, not strung out over months, so a more involved listen.

I have made changes to NHT over the course of its life and the audio version will have a number of minor revisions.  I'm going to change a couple of names and slightly alter the way the second half works - but it will still be in essence the story of Bernard, Vicki and a mass chorus of orange penguins.

The Natural History of Trolls - the first part of The Trolls Trilogy - will be released online daily from the 28^th to 31^st December 2013 on my audioboo board, latest by 12pm each day.

Part Two: Lost Tribe of the Trolls
The first part was all about a rather buttoned up tribe of trolls, trolls with a Victorian view on life, who were trapped underground for much of the 20th Century.  This story (LTT) is all about the trolls that got away, about The Noble Guild of Trolls (Luton Branch) who adapted to the modern world and (to some degree) lost their souls.  In it a person called Robert (who's remarkably like me) is guided by a character currently known as the Recording Angel, who collects memories, specifically of war.
It's a story about how the old world changed into the present, about how we remember the past and how much that we think is new is just repackaged.

Part Three: The Paper Moon Trolls

I won't abbreviate the title of this show as (even with the late addition of a The) the acronym is most unfortunate - but it's such an apt title I won't change it.  This is the final chapter in the lives of the trolls, creatures who change at the will of others, who are effected physically by ideas.  The guide character in this story is Peter Git - a bio-engineer and theorist - who is trying to find a way of splicing troll and human DNA.  It's a story about ideas, about changing the world by changing the way you see it, and about what the dark side of the moon actually looks like.  It is also, as eagle eyed observers will have gathered, partly a homage to Peer Gynt.

So that's the outline of Project One - appearing on a laptop near you.  This project is the opening and close of Project 10/52 in that the final live performance of the trilogy will mark the end of the season.  It'll be a big performance and a closing party, hopefully with food and drink and laughter and thought.  I have a feeling I might be quite tired by the end of it all.

Coming Soon - The Natural History of Trolls as an Audiobook

listen to ‘The Natural History of Trolls - Trailer’ on Audioboo

One Week To Go...

One week to go before Ghost Storyteller and The Fantasy Terrorist Variations comes to life and I'm already thinking what I'll get up to during the run.  In between rehearsals, publicity work, line runs, I'm building up to what will fill in the gaps when I settle into the routine of the run.
Six weeks is a reasonably long time for me, in terms of repeating the same show.  The nice thing about doing a storytelling piece is that it is genuinely, largely, noticeably, different every time I perform it.  And I don't mean in a small way, not in the standard play sense of "it was a difficult house tonight" or "I wasn't feeling it" etc.; the audience in storytelling create the relationship between the performer and them, creates the show in many ways.  So, boredom is not a problem.  But a routine is.  The day to day element of getting up at the same time, doing the same journey, doing the same things.  The routine around the show is the problem.
So, how will I keep myself fresh?  By writing a new piece over those six weeks.  By spending a set hour plus in the morning typing in front of my computer and another hour in a London coffee establishment writing out notes to be typed up the following morning.  The three/four hours I'll be spending on a train each day I have set aside for reading.  Last year I made good inroads into unread Dickens, but this year I think I'm going to dance about a bit.  I'm doing a lot of science reading at present (don't mention the word 'meme' to me at the moment, boy will I bore you) but I'm also working through this years Booker shortlist.  Though I will occasionally defer to a George Gently novel if tired.  (Rather nice little books, can finish one in a day - though be warned, they are completely different to the television adaptations - in fact the BBC should really be prosecuted under the trades descriptions act for calling the series an "adaptation".)
But here I hit the problem.  Which project should I write over Christmas?
Here are the front runners:

The Attack of the Christmas Squirrels - 30/1
Yes, the ever promised story of dangerous furry rodents that regulars on this blog knows will probably never get written.

Trolls 2 - 6/1
The sequel to last years The Natural History of Trolls.  More trolls, more action, more memes.  In fact, I've got 3 sequels in mind, one provisionally titled: Peter Git.

Portrait of a Singer - 9/1
This is a morality thriller that has been bubbling away, a proper play with characters and everything.  I think I will spend sometime this Christmas on the research for this one, but writing probably deferred till next year.

The Juliet Scandal -5/4
A favourite of mine, a reversed version of the Romeo and Juliet story, where their love tears families apart rather than (belatedly) bring them together.  Though this would be a monologue, possibly with hints at Venus and Adonis and Lucrece.  Or not.  Don't know yet.

Something else - 10/1
Some other idea I haven't had yet... might just pop up and I have to do it.

Those are the front runners, there is at least one other play bubbling away under the surface and probably dozens of stories.  I'll let you know next week which has won out.  Or you could ask me - in person - when you come to see Ghost Storyteller.  Go on - book tickets NOW!  Here, click HERE, to get them.
Anyway, I'm off to do a run of Ghost Storyteller, wish me luck as you book those tickets.

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

Ghost Storyteller

Comic Ghost Stories Written and Performed by Robert Crighton

Returning this Autumn / Winter following the success of the run last year!  Ghost Storyteller is a lightly comic selection of ghost stories written and performed by award-winning writer and performer Robert Crighton. 

From the ghosts of empty houses, to the personal ghosts we carry around us, this collection is a mixture of the fantastic and the “real”: including the tale of a poltergeist hamster and the pub that cried ghost.

Running Tuesday to Sunday from 27^th November 2012 to 6^th January 2013

Tuesdays to Saturdays at 7.30pm – Doors Open at 7.15pm

Sundays at 6pm – Doors Open at 5.45pm

No performances on Mondays, Christmas Day, Boxing Day or New Years Day

Tickets: £12 / £10 concessions

Barons Court Theatre, “The Curtain’s Up”, 28A Comeragh Road W14 9HR

Nearest Tube:  Barons Court (Piccadilly/District Lines)

Saying farewell to the Trolls

Well, Christmas is nearly upon us and that means we're nearly at the end of the run for Trolls.  Yes, by the time this blog goes out I'll be on my way to London for the final show.  Maybe you'll be on your way too, to watch, obviously.  It's been a great year in so many ways and I'm very proud of the show as it's come out.  And, of course, it isn't over yet as after Christmas I've ten performances of GhoStoryteller. 
But I can't stand still for long and have to plan for next year.  What will I be doing?  Well, GhoStoryteller will be returning next autumn and will be on offer for tour dates across the country - and will probably return to London next Christmas.  In more immediate times I'm going to take the next few months off performing to write, network and generally hustle to get funding, collaborators and venues sorted for autumn onwards.  I'm directing a couple community projects so as not to get too bored, but in all probability there won't be a Milk Bottle production till after the Olympics - the duck and cover manoeuvre is suggested most favourably for that event.  I would like to produce a revised version of one of my old stories and bring it to London for next winter - but I'm taking a look at a lot of options at present.  I'm thinking of doing something completely different and crazy next year - but I just don't know.  Uncertainty is my middle name.  Actually it's Paul.
Whatever the plans turn into, I want to involve more people - I've met some lovely performers this year, now for a few more - and some technical people as well, perhaps.
Lastly, I'd just like to say thank you to Georgina Blackledge and Sophie Morris-Sheppard for being a wonderful cast these last four weeks, you've made it all so easy.
Merry Christmas, or what you will.
Robert Crighton xx

GhoStoryteller Preview

First thing, just want to get this off my chest.  I can write witty blogs, I can write exciting blogs, I can write controversial blogs - hit rate remains the same for each.  But if I write a blog about a DOG then the hits go through the roof.  Here is a picture of the dog, her name is Tinkerbell.  I am now going to change the name of Milk Bottle Productions to Tinkerbell's Magnificent Ensemble Company of Performing Humans.  Here is a picture of the artistic director of the company. 

The New Artistic Director

Do not feed her after midnight.


Anyway, this post concerns the GhoStoryteller show which starts after Christmas - there are still two and a bit weeks of The Natural History of Trolls, panic ye not - and which I am rehearsing now.  It's a much looser show than Trolls, more relaxed.  It's a few ghost stories tied together with a few thoughts of my own on the nature of ghosts.  It's gone down well in the three tryouts and I've been tweaking the script for the last month.  But now comes the proper rehearsal, which means on top of the four / five hour commute, the three hours at the venue performing, I'm adding another two hours plus of rehearsal a day.  This is fine, at present, as I can learn my lines on the train - in-between reading Great Expectations (which has been rather enjoyable).  I expect by next week this routine will start to pall, but thems the breaks.  Then I get a couple days off for Christmas and straight into the new show.
And it will be a slightly different show each night.  I've got a number of one-off guest performers joining me across the two weeks, and I'll be posting the details of these fine performers on my blog over the next week or so. 
Well, all that remains is to do my preview of the GhoStoryteller show which follows after this announcement from a friend of mine....

***

Hi there! If you need someone professionally trained and experienced to help you with the presentation of a monologue for an audition; if you are having a crisis of confidence; if you feel that you just need an acting check up: help is at hand!

My students usually contact me because they want help preparing for an audition for drama schools, theatre companies or just to improve their general skills and confidence. Many of my previous students have gone on to train at accredited drama schools including RADA, DSL and BSA amongst many others, or attacked their next audition with a new approach and confidence.

My own acting career has evolved through many years of stage, feature film, television, radio and voice work. As a theatre director, I have worked on many professional productions at venues as diverse as the Southbank Centre and small fringe theatres to foreign tours. I also have many years experience directing and working with young people and consequently hold an advanced CRB certificate.

Rates

I charge very competitive rates with some room for negotiation depending on the number of lessons you would like to have and what you are seeking to accomplish.

Base rate for a one-hour session is £25

A two-hour session is discounted to £40

I can provide a tailored quote according to your needs, please get in touch to discuss.

My new studio is an intimate space on the Old Kent Road near to Elephant & Castle and South Bermondsey which is easily accessible from all parts of London by bus, rail and tube connections.

I look forward to working with you!

Simon Nader

t: 07976 399 825

e: sayhello@simonnader.com

***

And now the promised GhoStoryteller Preview:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hope that wasn't too scary for you.

 

Tinkerbell

There has been a new member to the Milk Bottle Team for The Natural History of Trolls.  Her name is Tinkerbell and she is about a foot high (at best).  Now, we've have had a number of dogs involved in productions past - no jokes at the back there - and Tinkerbell is the latest in a long line.  I particularly remember a King Charles Spaniel in 2004 who stayed with us for three weeks and who didn't want to leave.  Tinkerbell was, for the most part, very well behaved.  She didn't vomit during rehearsals (as one previous rehearsal dog has done, albeit not in a Milk Bottle show) or attack anyone.  She did get bored once or twice and started barking throughout one of my longer speeches (everyone's a critic) but that's good practise for when latecomers arrive to the show.
To add confusion we named one of the sound effects after her.  So, the script is littered with notes to play the 'Tink', which is a little musical box.  Occasionally I would get confused between a call for SFX and the call for walkees.
Last Monday, Tinkerbell joined us for the get in.  She decided to set up shop inside the lighting box, underneath the lighting desk, where every so often she would bark if we got too near and risked treading on her.  It's the kind of complaint many an ASM makes on a day to day basis, even at the National.
Show continues till the 23rd December people and, though Tinkerbell doesn't appear (we did consider a walk on part but it's a legal minefield), the show is rather lovely and bedding in nicely.  Next blog I will start on the post Christmas show GhoStoryteller and stop talking about small furry animals. x

Dickensian Sex Pest

It's been a good first week - nice audiences, lovely responses and a mostly successful commute.  Here's how the week went.
Monday: Get In.  The cast and I all arrived in a staggered fashion across the morning according to my cunning schedule.  I arrived early to sort the lights and stuff and then Georgina and Sophie arrived with the props and set dressings.  And Tinkerbell, of course.  But I'll write about Tinkerbell another time.
First we slowly went through all the lighting and sound cues - we do these ourselves, as there are always two people off stage at any one time.  Then we did a slow tech run.  Which went well.  We all fall down.
Tuesday:  We do a fast tech, low energy, in the afternoon prior to first night.  The audience liked it very much, though we did make some changes to the show afterwards.
Wednesday:  The audience were very focused.

"Dickensian sex pest..."

Thursday:  We had a reviewer in from Remotegoat.  He described my costume as "a sort of Dickensian sex pest".  Whatever that is.  I think it'll look good on a t-shirt.  There is an unfortunate / funny story about Thursday night, but that's for a future blog.
Friday / Saturday / Sunday:  Really nice audiences, the scripts of the play selling like hot cakes (will need to re-order this week if we continue in this way).
Overall a good start - now let's see how this week goes.  See you there!

P.S.  The spell checker on this blog does not recognise the word blog.  Now there's an existentialist conumdrum for you.

The Natural History of Trolls

Tuesday 29^th November to Friday 23^rd December 2011

Tickets £12 / £10 concessions

Tuesday to Saturday starts at 7.30pm – doors open 7.15pm.  Sunday at 7pm, doors open 6.45pm.

Box Office: 020 8932 4747

Barons Court Theatre, “The Curtain’s Up”, 28A Comeragh Road W14

Nearest Tube:  Barons Court (Piccadilly/District Lines)

The Elasticated Time Paradox

What is too long?  What shape should a show have?  How do you escape the Elasticated Time Paradox (trademark pending) otherwise known as the Intangible Arse Problem?

Allow me to explain.  As The Natural History of Trolls approached revival (electro-convulsers on stand-by - CLEAR! - Bumph! - It's alive!) there arose those issues raised in the New Wim tryout.  The running time was a cool 80 minutes - without an interval.  Now, the show was supposed to last between 65 and 70 minutes (this fitting neatly as a single CD if I get round to recording it for sale) but the story grew beyond this length.  I cut it down as much as I could, but if I cut anymore I would stop pruning and begin hacking, and that would lead to damage of the text and artistic failure.  

Now 80 minutes is an odd length of time for an audience to sit for.  An hour is generally a good length of time before the arse goes numb (the Intangible Arse Problem or IAP) whereby the evening either ends or an interval begins prior to another sitting.  You can push the IAP envelope a bit, but after 70 minutes the audience starts to get restless.  Quality will out, of course (see below), but even if you are enjoying a show a numb bum can take the edge off.  And most of the population of the planet have / will have / will have had piles - so there's a reason why sitting for over an hour is difficult.  Sometimes, if the show is extremely long - 2 hours plus without interval - then the act of fighting the numbness becomes part of the narrative of the show.  You become a survivor of a great struggle (especially if you misjudged your IBS) and can take masochistic pleasure in the whole experience.

A solution would have been to put in an interval - there is a place in Trolls where this can happen.  But there is also something particularly unsatisfactory about two forty minute halves.  Each half is a little too short and breaks up the narrative of the show to little good purpose.  This is where the Elasticated Time Paradox comes in.  The show is too long to fit perfectly into one sitting, but too short to seriously field an interval - paradoxically the only way to make the show feel shorter would be to make it longer.  If I were to write another 20 / 30 minutes of material then I could put an interval in-between two 50 ish minute halves and that would make the show feel much shorter (in terms of endurance) than the 80 minute straight run through.  I know that sounds a bit mad, but it would.  People perceive time in funny ways.
Another example of the elasticity of time: in a show with one interval, people will always time the length of the second act from the length of the first.  So, if Act One lasts an hour, the audience will expect Act Two to last about the same - or less.  If Act Two is even five minutes longer than Act One, the audience will feel that is too long.  Trust me - they do.  (Exceptions to this rule include plays like Glengarry Glen Ross, where Act Two is so much longer than Act One that it feels like a completely different entity.)  I won't go into the dynamics of the shape of Three Act plays and the placement of two intervals - this is largely a dead field as few people field three acts anyone (though Jerusalem does indulge in such activity, it is largely an exception to the rule - a pity, I like two intervals... but I digress).

Getting back to the point, I couldn't cut the show anymore because it all fits very well together - to make a difference I'd have to remove some 1000 to 2000 words, which would be terrible.  I can't make the show longer (enough that is - I have added a few hundred words) because that would mean starting again from scratch and I didn't really have time to do that.  So, basically, all I can say is... tough, you'll have to take the show as it is.  It's only ten minutes above the norm - breathe, that'll help. 

The other thing to remember is that, for all the generalisations I have just made, individuals will always react in random ways.  Some people love long shows, some people beg for a good interval, some people want two intervals, some people hate them.  It's an art, not a science.  Which is why the only answer is to look at the show and try to judge what is the best shape for it?  When writing a show I'm always half aware of the shape of the time I'm trying to fill.  I like one interval usually, because I'm used to working in theatres with a bar that requires the trade.  These days I'm producing more on the London fringe where the bar is either a separate entity or is a second thought to the business and wants only to open before curtain up and then close.  The place of business does have an effect on the art - but only in a general way.  The play does tend to decide what it wants to be.  Hence the running time and the placement of this show within the ETP.

Now, I wrote the above (mostly) prior to the current run and the tryout at the Quay Theatre.  At the Quay we had an interval - but they have a very nice bar and like people to use it.  I broke all the rules I've just made up, with a shorter first half compared to the second.  So from that example you can ignore everything I just wrote.  Also, on the first night at Barons Court I was talking to someone from the audience after the show and quoted the time (it ran about 78 minutes that night) and they were amazed - they perceived at most only 60 minutes and were a bit confused to find the show had run so short (until I told them the timing that is).  Time is elastic and I'm really rather chuffed that time for our audiences runs 20 minutes faster than real time.
Sadly, I'm afraid, that doesn't mean you retain your youth.  After 80 minutes of the show you will still be 80 minutes older, however quickly time passed for you. x

Underground, Overground...

The Natural History of Trolls is largely set in a disused Underground Station, King William Street.  For the purposes of the story I ignored the true history of the site in the 20th Century, focusing on real history only for the early building and decommissioning of the station.  The tunnels couldn't be used as I suggest in the story, and they are in no way fit to handle the action of the tale.  However, I loved the early history of the station and couldn't resist allowing a train to stop at the platform today (physically impossible for oh so many reasons).  There are other disused stations where a request stop is more plausable - there are more suitable ghost stations about - but I wanted the story set in that part of the Northern Line and so I ignored the rather sad alterations to the station during World War Two and other obvious problems reality causes. 
I have no problem with these 'lies' as there are lots of ways I could explain them away, if I wanted to be pedantic.  But for those who want to see what King William Street looks like today, then do follow this rather excellent link - it's quite addictive.

http://www.abandonedstations.org.uk/King_William_Street_1.html

Last Blog Before the Balloon Goes Up...

Okay, there's no balloon.  Sorry.  Today we got into the Barons Court Theatre ready for tomorrows first night!  Highlights included sharing the stage and the lighting box with Sophie's dog Tinkerbell - of whom you will hear so much in the future.  There is video.  Otherwise it was just a matter of set dressing, slow teching and general working of the words what I wrote so that they come out in the right order.  Tomorrow we'll spend the day doing a bit more art - focusing on performance rather than tech - before our first night.  And we want you to be there.  This is a show that I am very proud of - it has come out very well, funny and moving at the turn of a line.  Come and visit us - it's so much more interesting here.
Robx

Milk Bottle Productions Presents...

STORYTELLER:

The Natural History of Trolls

Written and Performed by Robert Crighton

Plus Special Guests: Georgina Blackledge & Sophie Morris-Sheppard

“Whatever you do, don’t think about orange penguins!”

Multi-Awarding Winning Storyteller Robert Crighton is returning to his roots with a new collection of stories for 2011.  Featuring his trademark wit and dark humour, Storyteller will draw you into unusual worlds and introduce you to people you’d not normally meet.

This first collection is called The Natural History of Trolls, three stories covering a hundred and fifty years of history, two Queens and their subjects in the fairy kingdom.  Midst this epic timeline is the story of an ordinary commute gone wrong, when a troll-like tramp in an Underground carriage turns out to REALLY be a Troll.

Funny, thoughtful and with occasional attempts at wisdom, let Robert Crighton and his team of storytellers lead you through a world like ours – just a little off centre. 

15+ age guidance.  Not suitable for young children.

Tuesday 29^th November to Friday 23^rd December 2011 (No performances Mondays)
Tickets £12 / £10 concessions

Tuesday to Saturday starts at 7.30pm – doors open 7.15pm.  Sunday at 7pm, doors open 6.45pm.

Box Office: 020 8932 4747

Barons Court Theatre, “The Curtain’s Up”, 28A Comeragh Road W14

Nearest Tube:  Barons Court (Piccadilly/District Lines)

The Egg Sucking Guide for Grandmothers

I wrote the following for the New Wimbledon cast which was a while ago now.  I didn't meet many of them properly until the day of performance so wrote an idiots guide to performing their section.  I thought I'd share it with you today.  Imagine you've got a three minute monologue to perform and read on...

The Egg Sucking Guide for Grandmothers

Or Storyteller: An Idiots Guide

Obviously we will rehearse, so there will be a lot of me telling you precisely what to do.  However, if you have time to do more than simply learn your lines then here is some general advice, suggestions and best ways to prep...

1.  Storytelling isn’t stand up.

You’re alone on stage, you’ve nothing to hold - the temptation to wander around, pace back and forth and punctuate every sentence with your hands is enormous.  Don’t.  Start with no movement, standing still, doing naught.  Then add elements if and only if you have a really good reason to do so.  What will hold the audiences interest is your connection with them, the story itself and the fact that you’re the next person of a chain.  And you’ll be gone in three minutes.

2.  Boredom.

Rehearsing storytelling / monologues is the most tedious task known to mankind.  It is horribly dull.  Prep for a show is primarily about repetition to the point where your brain is melting – because you’re alone up there and need to know the text like it’s your own skin.  It is primarily dull because rehearsing a story misses the most important ingredient – the audience.  A monologue is a conversation and until you get in front of the audience you will have no one talking back. 

3.  Be prepared for change.

Prepare, play around, come up with a full physical and vocal score... go on surprise me.  But also be prepared for me to say NO straightaway and tell you to do it differently.  Don’t get attached to your performance – it’ll only end in tears.

4.  If in doubt, do less.

See 1.  Fairly safe rule.  It’s a studio theatre.

5.  Arms are for nothing.

See 1.  Let em hang there.  Unless you want to do some serious pointing.

6.  Only Connect.

Don’t shoot ‘till you see the whites of their eyes.  Yes, the audience will be (dimly) lit throughout the show.  You will be there for most of it as well, as both performers and audience members.  You give your attention to the person performing, watch them, laugh and smile.  When it’s your turn, you take that out to the audience.  Look them in the eye.  Pick people for different lines.  Make them watch you.

7. Pass the baton.

We’re all interconnected.  We pass the story to each other, so it’s vital to keep that flow going, not leaving gaps, passing on the baton – unless your story goes off on a tangent.  You can’t prep this – it’ll come out in rehearsal.

8. Your performance is you.

You are not pretending to be a different person, you’re simply giving a more performed version of yourself.  Don’t change your accent, character, just tell your bit of the story.  Use appropriate voices for speech – but there isn’t much of that, so that’s not a major worry.

9. There may be typos... but they might be the words I chose...

Sometimes I get it wrong – it’s the wrong word entirely.  And sometimes I’m just awkward.  (Or aukward, for those who like a pun that only works off the page.)  If in doubt, ask.

10.  And.  A story tends to be made up of a lot of ands.  Try not to add more.  And remember that and ends in a d.  If you let a lazy tongue drop it then the audience will notice. 

11.  Learn fast. 

I don’t mean learn the lines in a brief period of time.  I mean learn it like it’s going at a rate.  Fast.  Few gaps.  It is easier to slow a text down in performance than to speed it up.  Usually.

12. Enjoy.

I hate writing things like this, but best not to let people go unguided.  Most important thing to remember about all of the above – I believe and follow all of the above guidelines... except when I don’t.  The only absolute that matters is to enjoy yourself.  If you enjoy performing your story then the audience will enjoy watching and listening to it.  ‘nough said.