Being self employed largely involves setting dates and targets for yourself, otherwise you never get things done. You have to be disciplined. But it can turn into a never ending litany of stuff to do. You find you haven't planned in any breaks, any days off, and you burn yourself out. I'm not burnt out, but I am subtly singed on the edges.
So, what am I doing? Well, I've managed for the last few days to do next to nothing. It is, slightly, maddening, but it's good for me. I need time to think. But already I'm thinking of doing things. I don't think I can help myself. I went for a long walk today, hoping to let my thoughts waft away (I call this taking my memes for a walk) and instead I wrote in my mind the first fifteen minutes of a lecture on Greek theatre which I'm giving later in the year. I'm probably hopeless.
It's also quiet scary. 2014 was planned, there had to be ten shows - I said there would be ten shows so there were. They changed a bit, things moved around, but there it was, a plan. This year there isn't a plan. There are some plans, projects I'm involved with, but they don't fill a schedule of works. Which means I could, still, do ANYTHING I like. I could, I have time in hand, to create ANYTHING, on top of the somethings I know I am creating. That's a bit thing. It's a big scary white area in the year, ready to be filled with whatever comes into my head. And my head is filled with some scary ideas.
It's also quiet scary. 2014 was planned, there had to be ten shows - I said there would be ten shows so there were. They changed a bit, things moved around, but there it was, a plan. This year there isn't a plan. There are some plans, projects I'm involved with, but they don't fill a schedule of works. Which means I could, still, do ANYTHING I like. I could, I have time in hand, to create ANYTHING, on top of the somethings I know I am creating. That's a bit thing. It's a big scary white area in the year, ready to be filled with whatever comes into my head. And my head is filled with some scary ideas.
I have various bits and bobs that need to be done. Next week I start booking venues for Everyman - a task I wanted to get done last year, but the Pantomime got in the way. I've a whole host of audio stuff I want to put online, to record, to do. Some of it new, some of it unfinished business from last year.
BUT - I'm not going to timetable any of this. I'm not going to squeeze myself into a self enforced schedule, because I don't think I actually work better that way. I suspect that some deadlines kill off my desire to make certain work - that I end up dreading the deadline more than I desire to create and then everything happens in a stress filled rush at the end.
SO - a more holistic January, before a necessary timetable occurs in February. Let's see if I produce more or less, better or worse work because of it. Because there's always so much work to create, and never enough time.
But for the rest of this Sunday - I think I might just read a book.
Part of what I'll also be doing this month is put together a package for fundraising in February to support the Everyman tour - but if you want to help support my work and I, then please make a little donation now. There are no rewards, just my silent thanks - but any donation will make the new art of 2015 possible. Thank you.But for the rest of this Sunday - I think I might just read a book.
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